settling Archives - The Daley Post

SETTLING FOR THE WRONG LOVER?

(BOYFRIEND, GIRLFRIEND, HUSBAND, WIFE, LOVER?)

This is Part 20 in a series of article about the “self.”

(And it is the first in a short series on why people do it.)

Mike Bundrant, writing on Psych Central, has a piece that briefly covers four main reasons people settle in love.

I’ll take on each of these points in subsequent articles.

People do settle, he writes. “In one survey of 6,000 men, 31% of them openly admitted that they would settle for someone they didn’t love.

And 21% even claimed they’d partner up with someone they found unattractive.”

Most people who settle, won’t admit it.

Here are four reasons why people settle, according to experience and research.

Fear of being alone.

“Loneliness is a painful experience regardless of gender; and according to Professor Geoff MacDonald of the University of Toronto’s Department of Psychology, fear of being single does not discriminate on basis of gender.”

In other words, both men and women “settle” for someone as a life partner–or at least a temporary one.

Do you?

They don’t know how to create solid relationships.

Most people don’t know how to create lasting basic friendships, let alone romantic ones.
To begin with, in “love” relationships, we engage in intimate behaviors before we are ready for them.
Things such as

concentating on one person too early
being too hasty with self-disclosure
getting serious too quickly
having sex too soon

saying “I love you” for the wrong reasons (most often when people say this, the statement is flat-out wrong).

That has to do with insecurity and the fear of being alone (reason No 1) and, most dangerously, it betrays a crippling lack of self-knowledge.

I can help you with that FAST. See below.

External pressures.

From your parents, friends, your church.

Many people don’t know how to deal with these pressures.

Self-sabotage.

Nobody talks about self-sabotage.

It’s easier to blame fate, circumstances or timing.

That can happen in real life, but mostly it is not true.

We screw things up by not knowing ourselves well enough.

Read more of Mr. Bundrant’s piece here

ARE YOU IN THIS SPOT?

IF you are choosing the wrong people to date or marry
IF you are making wrong choices with regard to a life partner
IF you don’t know why you do this
IF you are frustrated at what seems to be a vicious cycle
THEN sign up here for advance information on my new course:

HOW TO STOP DATING LOSERS AND FIND A GOOD MAN (Or WOMAN)

A GOOD MAN IS HARD TO FIND BUT NOT IMPOSSIBLE.

Stop fretting.
I WILL be able to help you.
I can’t promise you the love of your life in six weeks.
BUT I CAN GUARANTEE that IF YOU DO AS I SUGGEST,
YOU WILL NEVER DATE AN INAPPROPRIATE PERSON AGAIN.
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You will be more confident about your dating choices.
You will be more relaxed about the process.
You will not worry about stupid little things (‘Why didn’t he call?”–that kind of high school level nonsense will stop).
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If you are concerned about this, please email me at: daleyfrank0@gmail.com or call at 647-205-5059.
If you could do this all by yourself you would have done it by now.
Don’t wait, I can help.