How writing helps self-knowledge

Part 12: Self-regard. Do you ever feel worthless?

Part 15: Do what you love, but know yourself first

Part 17: Self confidence & insecurity in dating

Part 18: Self-esteem comes with self-knowledge and self-love

Part 22: Writing helps self-knowledge

Part 26: How much do we change after thirty?

Part 24: Self-esteem, 2 components

Part 25: Observing self

Part 27: Self: Focus on your strengths

Up next:

Part 29: Social ties, self-esteem vital to low-income black, latino boys

Frank Daley
daleyfrank0@gmail.com
647-205-5059
356 Westridge Drive , Waterloo, Ontario, Canada

How much do we change after thirty?

March 20, 2015 by daleyfrank0

How Much Can You Change After You Turn 30?

The Jesuits used to say, Give me a child until he is seven and I will have formed him for life.
They meant in ‘essential’ as opposed to ‘accidental’ terms.
They meant his character was formed and he would be essentially a good person henceforth.

(This is Part 26 in a series of articles about the “self.”)

By: Melissa Dahl writing in The New Republic.
“I am turning 30 in March, and so I was a little unnerved when I recently came across a question that researchers who study personality have apparently been trying to answer for more than a century: How much can a person really change after 30?
“You’re doomed! What you’ve got now—that’s it,” is the answer Brian Little—a lecturer in psychology at the University of Cambridge, whose new book, Me, Myself, And Us: The Science of Personality and the Art of Well-Being touches on this question—gave me, and he was only half-joking.”

Read full article HERE
Freud would have agreed.
I don’t totally agree but I dip think that if there are anklet a few time sin life that most people can either get on track or change tracks.
First, when you are child under seven.
If you have two (adult) parents that is, not in need of parenting themselves who are of fine character, you’re good.
Even one parent is enough
Even a surrogate will do.
After that you have shot in your early teens.
Then, late teens, early twenties.
Then, maybe, late twenties.
After that, you need something dramatic or you’re screwed.
Do you need something dramatic?
It can happen.
If you are not a member, join us.

You can begin by getting my eBook,

FOUR QUESTIONS TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE!

It’s FREE here and will be on Amazon soon for around $3.

You can also get a FREE consultation with me on any problem that might be driving you nuts.
If you have a problem with time management, personal goals, choosing a career path, the inability to choose a life partner (maybe you consistently date the wrong people) or any other troublesome area, you can help solve it with self-knowledge and I can teach you how to do that.

For a 20 minute–FREE— introduction, please email me: daleyfrank0@gmail.com or call me: 647-205-5059

I’ll be with you.
-Frank

Previous posts:

All about you: A series on the “self.” Find out who you really are.

Part 1: Do you find yourself or create it? And why bother anyway?

Part 2: Searching for yourself? Flying blind? Need a new search party?

Part 12: Self-regard. Do you ever feel worthless?

Part 15: Do what you love, but know yourself first

Part 17: Self confidence & insecurity in dating

Part 18: Self-esteem comes with self-knowledge and self-love

Part 22: Writing helps self-knowledge

Part 27: Self: Focus on your strengths

Part 24: Self-esteem, 2 components

Part 25: Observing self

Up next:

Frank Daley
daleyfrank0@gmail.com
647-205-5059
356 Westridge Drive , Waterloo, Ontario, Canada

The Observing Self: Are you an actor or acted upon?

March 18, 2015 by daleyfrank0

The Observing Self: A Tool Essential to Save Ourselves and Our Planet

Do you see yourself as others see you?
One thing to remember is people don’t think much much of you.
I don’t mean they disparage you, I mean they are usually too busy thinking of themselves to think of you (or anybody else).
Are you an agent of change in your life or are you acted upon by life?
This is a minor-league victim posture characterized by people who say things such as
“Well, they did X so I can’t do Y.”
Sometimes that’s true, of course (think of death and taxes), but not always.
Do you move out, “lean in,”go forth, attack life, or do you wait for life to happen to you?
You can’t be on the attack all the time but what if you are never on the attack but always in a defensive posture?
The observing self allows you to examine this profitably.
By: Jane Simon in The Huffington Post.

(This is Part 25 in a series of articles about the “self.”)

When I mention the term “observing self” or “observing ego” most people look at me with a quizzical expression as if such talk should stay in my office. But the “observing self” has broad application in and outside the psychotherapist’s terrain because it can create an awareness of self and a sense of place in the world.
The observing ego, or the split between our experience and our observation of it, allows us to perceive and change.
By contrast, without the observing self, we experience ourselves as “acted upon,” or lacking control, and in the extreme, as a victim, similar to a caged animal.
In short, developing an “observing self” early on and with great effort helps to impart agency. “Agency is not automatic,” the New York Times journalist David Brooks writes. “It has to be given birth to with pushing and effort. It’s not just the confidence and drive to act. It’s having engraved inner criteria to guide action. The agency moment can happen at any age, or never.”

Read full article HERE
If you are not a member, join us.

You can begin by getting my eBook,

FOUR QUESTIONS TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE!

It’s FREE here and will be on Amazon soon for around $3.

For a 20 minute–FREE— introduction, please email me: daleyfrank0@gmail.com or call me: 647-205-5059

If you feel you suffer from low self-esteem please email me and we can discuss it with regard it self-knowledge.
I’ll be with you.

-Frank

Previous posts:

Part 1: Do you find yourself or create it? And why bother anyway?

Part 2: Searching for yourself? Flying blind? Need a new search party?

Part 12: Self-regard. Do you ever feel worthless?

Part 15: Do what you love, but know yourself first

Part 17: Self confidence & insecurity in dating

Part 18: Self-esteem comes with self-knowledge and self-love

Part 22: Writing helps self-knowledge

Part 26: How much do we change after thirty?

Part 24: Self-esteem, 2 components

Up next:

Frank Daley
daleyfrank0@gmail.com
647-205-5059
356 Westridge Drive , Waterloo, Ontario, Canada

Writing Helps Self-Knowledge

March 11, 2015 by daleyfrank0

How writing helps self-knowledge

Why writing is important to my business success and your personal success through Self-knowledge.

This is Part 22 in a series of articles about the “self.”

WRITING 1: WORK AND YOU

My business is Self-Knowledge College.
My sister site is Dropout to Dean’s List (for at-risk students).
My work is helping people know themselves so they can make better decisions for themselves and find success on their own terms in their personal and professional lives.

It involves teaching people to know themselves and self-knowledge by itself isn’t going to attract many people on it’s own.
It’s not “sexy” enough.
It doesn’t provide an immediate, downloadable result for $100, much less $47.

OBJECTIONS TO OUR WORK

People have a lot of psychological, emotional and mental objections (most of them unconscious) to the idea of learning more about themselves.

First, they think they already know themselves pretty well since they know what movies, sports and food they prefer.
And they know what their most productive time of day is—whether, for example, they are early birds or light owls.
Then, if they think of self-knowledge at all they often dismiss it because they think it is too difficult, takes too long to achieve, is only for gurus on mountains in diapers, (or geniuses or Phds).
If those don’t apply they are fearful of learning about themselves because they think they won’t like everything they learn (they won’t—but they already s have suspicions at the very least about those things). They don’t realize, yet, that they will also learn so many more many wonderful things about themselves that they also don’t know. Yet!

HOW AM I DOING?

How am I doing? I’m not sure. I have written in many forms professionally with good results but writing to you is more difficult. There isn’t a lot of feedback so far so it’s difficult to know whether I’m reaching you or not. This is an attempt to explain why writing is important for my work of helping you and important for you in your work of knowing yourself better.

WRITING 2: THE BEST WAY TO REACH YOU

I was going to say that writing is not the only way to reach you—there are such things as podcast, videos, teleseminars, webinars, speaking from the stage etc., but all of them involve writing as a first step.
I have used none of these yet, except public speaking—although I intend to—but when I do, I’ll l have to write scripts, outlines, drafts of posts, courses or books, notes for Voice/over videos, scripts for on-camera videos etc.
All of them involve writing.

WRITING 3: OBSTACLES TO CONNECTION

Writing—words— are the best way to reach people because apparently something happened in their childhoods that prevented other methods of reaching them from taking effect.

What are some of these?

Poor parenting is one (often unavoidable given the problems of growing up having children (while still being children in many ways themselves) and having to take responsibility for raising them while struggling with their own education, work and lack of self-awareness.
A lack of someone, somehow, using words (and yes, non-verbal displays of affection) to reach the child and tell them of their many gifts, talents and abilities. This lack of words has led to people not appreciating themselves, not knowing themselves and therefore not loving themselves. That a part is crucial because if you don’t know yourself, you can’t love yourself—you can’t love what you don’t know.
Many people in North America are immigrants with little formal education in their own languages much less familiarity with English. Writing—basic, simple, transformative language— is necessary to reach these citizens.

WHAT I BELIEVE

My thesis is that if you don’t know yourself three bad things will happen to you in life:

You will not be in the right line of work
You will not be with the right person and
You will not be happy

You won’t be happy because of the first two.

Fighting our way through life, as we all must, requires some education, either formal or informal and each of these require language. I need language—writing—to reach people on a deep level.
Our lives are filled with superficialities, meretricious attempts to distract us from our life purpose. And what if we can’t even define our purpose? You need language too, in order to probe yourself, rigorously investigate yourself to determine your authentic self. Since most of us are adults—even my at-risk students are adults—we need some way to be alerted to the notion that learning more about who we are and what we want in life is monumentally important.
Important, and while not easy—it does require work to get to know yourself—it is also amazingly interesting and rewarding. Who is more interesting, more important, not in an entitled way, but in a profound way—than you are?
Nobody.
But you can’t help anyone else unless and until you are secure and confident in yourself, in your emotional, psychological and spiritual self. Nor can you help yourself much because you don’t know who you are and what you want or what questions to ask and answer and what directions or paths to take.

WRITING 4: COMMUNICATION

Words, writing, in some form or another, is the best way to communicate, to reach people, to suggest, to seduce, to persuade to convince them they that they are important and worthy and can be better. We all want be better, to improve ourselves, but we put obstacles in our own way, we self-sabotage for myriad reasons.
Words—writing and reading— can eventually cut through the bafflegab of life.
When you know yourself you become a jet-propelled activist on behalf of yourself.
You can’t help but get better when you know yourself.
It is not possible to fail at self-knowledge if you stick with it.
It’ll take some time (and granted, you’ll never know everything about yourself because you are too complicated and life is too short) but it is easily possible to learn something new about yourself every day.

Take My Course On Self-Knowledge.

Join me in private or group work using my book, Who Are You and What Are You Doing Here? The way to know yourself and get what you want.

But first you must begin. And you begin by reading and listening to my words, through writing and speaking to you.

WRITING 5: SELF-KNOWLEDGE

Self-knowledge needs words to go deep in your job of self-detection.
It doesn’t matter if you are formally well educated or not—life has taught you many things.
I can teach you to harness those things, sort them out and prepare a system to follow things about you—or at least I can lead you to discover them.
One of the best ways to learn about yourself is to write about yourself.
That’s one of the things I will help you do if we work together.
If I say Self-Knowledge, that’s because that’s what the core, the essence of you is.
But we don’t constantly speak of Self-Knowledge in the abstract.
We use the right words to examine the presenting problems that are keeping you awake at night or causing you stress during the day.
I try to use simple, direct, clear language in my writing to examine things such as problems with time management, procrastination, goal-setting, the ability choose a college program or career path or even choosing a life partner.
We all know that one can be a life-destroyer.

IF YOU DON’T KNOW YOURSELF, YOU CAN’T LOVE YOURSELF

If you don’t know yourself you can’t love yourself because you can’t love something or somebody you don’t know.

It gets worse.

If you don’t love yourself, you can’t accept love from anyone else. Something inside you will subconsciously push that person away because you KNOW you are loveable.

This stuff doesn’t go away until and unless you address it. I have to use language, words, writing, to reach you and convince you things can be better in your personal and professional life.
You have to use them to be a gold detective of your inner self.
If you read and respond to my words.
The words, the writing, are important to me but they are also important to you if you need my assistance in gaining Self-Knowledge.
Or even if you don’t.
Join me at Self-Knowledge College.
For a FREE consultation, a strategy session, just email me at daleyfrank0@gmail.com
or call me at 647-205-5059.
There is no obligation whatsoever.
If you could do it yourself, you would have done it by now.

WRITING 6: YOU

Write to me as I do to you.
I’m with you in this.

-Frank

Previous posts:

Part 1: Do you find yourself or create it? And why bother anyway?

Part 2: Searching for yourself? Flying blind? Need a new search party?

Part 12: Self-regard. Do you ever feel worthless?

Part 15: Do what you love, but know yourself first

Part 17: Self confidence & insecurity in dating

Part 18: Self-esteem comes with self-knowledge and self-love

Up next:

Part 1: Do you find yourself or create it? And why bother anyway?

Frank Daley
daleyfrank0@gmail.com
647-205-5059
356 Westridge Drive , Waterloo, Ontario, Canada

Self-harm. Young people on video. Who Does it and why?

February 28, 2015 by daleyfrank0

SELF-HARM: SCOPE OF THE PROBLEM
This is part of our series on the self.

Between 14-24% of teenagers and young adults harm themselves by cutting, burning, hair-pulling and stabbing things under their skin.

They do this in an effort to demonstrate to a seemingly uncaring world that they are suffering inside.

A study was published on Feb. 21^st 2011 in the Journal, Pediatrics, on the topic of self-abusers and their habit of watching You-Tube videos on the practice.

The lead author of the study is Stephen Lewis, assistant professor of psychology at the University of Guelph in southern Ontario.

His team found that an alarming percentage of young people injure themselves deliberately and that many of these people watch self-harm videos on You Tube. There, either they find comfort in knowing they are not alone in their self-abusive practice or they learn how to do it.

It happens a lot at colleges and universities.
You’d think that all these kids would be happy: studying, partying, getting a huge opportunity that most people in the world don’t get—to better themselves with education–so they can have meaningful jobs and lives.

Think again.

Even such well-respected and excellent universities such as Cornell and Princeton have done studies that alarmed the administration because they found that one in five students was a self-harmer. The study was repeated throughout the United States. Students in Canadian colleges suffer the same kinds of injuries.

THE COLLEGE PROBLEM

Colleges and universities have a tripartite problem with self-abusers.
1. First, they often don’t know about it and really, they’d prefer not to know about it because they feel impotent.

They don’t have the skills, the staff, the expertise, the mandate or the time to deal with problems like this. And, to a degree, you have to sympathize. They are colleges, not hospitals, although you might want to rethink that if you’ve spoken to as many students as I (or other teachers and professors) have.

2. Second, there is the question of personal freedom and privacy. Most colleges would be alarmed if they were aware that their professors knew that their students had personal, psychological, or emotional problems.

Professors are not supposed to discuss these things with students. They are supposed to refer the students to counseling. That’s the right thing, of course, in an ideal world but if you teach English or psychology you are going to get students who open up and tell you about their personal lives.

There is no avoiding it and it is cruel and inhumane to dismiss the students and their problems because you are not officially supposed to know these problems exist.

It’s idiotic.

This is a difficult area to be sure: how to, or whether to, intrude on a person’s privacy. These cases involve self-harm but the same conditions are present in situations where a person might harm others.

There are cases of college/university staffs being aware (perhaps only vaguely or anecdotally) of the mental state of some students but since the students have done nothing wrong or illegal, there is little an institution can do. Then you wind up with an incident such as the killings at the University of Virginia.

3. Third, most colleges don’t have the money to cope with this stuff.

DO THE VIDEOS TEACH PEOPLE HOW TO DO THIS?

The less imaginative young people might learn how to harm themselves from the videos. Others might get the idea to cut themselves. Some may take comfort in them (sadly) because they see they are not alone in the practice. Some people go to self-abuse chat rooms but the videos are more graphic, and more immediate in their instructional effect. The researchers are looking at this.

POSITIVE NOTES (FALSE AND REAL)

Some of the young viewers feel (falsely) positive about seeing the videos because they see that they are not alone in their anguish and their expression of it. It offers them some transitory positive feeling.

One good thing might come out of the You Tube videos. It produced the study and it (and others like it) may light the fire of awareness in the general population.

Don’t hold your breath.

These problems come from depression and low self-esteem which is rampant in our youth. Clinical psychologist Claire Crooks says this low self-esteem is often so deep it that it prompts feelings of a desire to be punished in the young people. Why? Several reasons.

LOW SELF-ESTEEM

These kids are so filled with self-doubt, low self-esteem, lack of self-confidence and a feeling of not belonging that they are losing themselves at an age and time when they should be just discovering themselves.

SELF-KNOWLEDGE COLLEGE AND THE SELF

My focus at Self-Knowledge College and here at The Daley Post is on self-knowledge. I maintain that self-knowledge is the key to personal, academic and professional suc cess. But what if what you think you know about yourself leads you to harm yourself?

On the other hand, Prof. Crooks says,

“Don’t bother asking (a child) why he’s doing it. He likely won’t be able to answer.”

The kind of self-knowledge these young people have is fraudulent. It is a misreading of their true worth and value and an almost total ignorance of their gifts and abilities.

Real self-knowledge will lead the young people to see that they are more valuable than they currently think and feel they are. Getting them to that real self-knowledge is obviously going to be a problem.

For a continuing discussion of the self, self-knowledge, and your place in the world–read The Daley Post.

A NOTE
IF YOU Are not a subscriber, you can begin to know yourself better but by getting my Ebook
FOUR QUESTIONS TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE!
It’s free by registering here.
You can also get a free consultation with me on any problem that might be driving you nuts.
If you have a problem with time management, personal goals, choosing a career path, the inability to choose a life partner (maybe you consistently date the wrong people) or any other troublesome area, you can help solve it with self-knowledge and I can teach you how to do that.
For a 20 minute– free– introduction, please email me: frankdaley@ rogers.com
or call: 905-584-0617
I’ll be with you.
Frank

SELF-CONFIDENCE. Is being insecure an advantage in dating?

February 28, 2015 by daleyfrank0

IS BEING INSECURE AN ADVANTAGE IN

DATING?

Maybe, says recent research.

This is Part 17 in the series of articles about the “self.”

However, many aren’t buying the study’s results.

Are you more likely to get dates if you are self-confident or insecure?

This seems like a no-brainer, right?

Conventional wisdom says self-confidence is a key in dating (as in much else in life).

But a new study suggests being “almost obsessively insecure” works as well or better.

The whole idea of the self as an arbiter in human relationships is complex.

This study and the reaction to it is an example of how people feel about it.

NEW STUDY ENCOURAGES THE INSECURE

Claudia Brumbaugh, a psychology professor at Queens College, in New York, wanted to know how insecure people attracted others in dating so she conducted a study that found that insecure folks have some advantages. Paul Kix wrote about it in New York Magazine (Dec. 2010).

We know how self-confident people attract others. They are open, out-going, and convivial while insecure daters are generally the opposite.

However, the researcher says that the insecure also have “numerous dating tactics and positive qualities that they display to win over romantic partners.”

(Ed Note. Especially if you look like this.)

Her sample was single university students, who reported on how confident they felt in life. The students watched videos that showed attractive men or women supposedly looking for a date. In interaction between the subjects and the good-looking actors in the videos, the good lookers asked the subjects things such as…

“How would you get an attractive person’s attention?
How would you talk to this person?
Do you tend to worry about the relationships you’re in?”

Brumbaugh says that students who had rated themselves as self-confident tended to come off as arrogant while the insecure appeared to be acutely attentive to the other person’s needs. They appear interesting, because they want desperately to seem that way.

Pixmac: Anatols

“Insecure individuals [present] themselves as warm, engaging, and humorous,” Brumbaugh writes in the paper, published in the journal, Personal Relationships.

Insecure people are hyper aware and up to speed on new clothes and music so they’ll have something to talk about, she says. They know how they’re perceived, so they hide their undesirable traits by focussing on the trendy topics they study so hard in order to compensate.

BUT IT DOESN’T LAST

But it doesn’t last. Insecure daters betray themselves through jealousy and poor communications, she says. (True)

AND MANY DON’T BUY IT!

Readers of the study as reported in the Kix article were not impressed, saying it confused self-confidence with arrogance, repeated old information, and suggested insecure people communicated in certain helpful or positive ways “often” when they hardly ever communicate at all. (“Insecure people have a hard time saying hi, or communicating in general, so they don’t communicate often” observed one commentator.)

HERE’S WHY

Here are some of the observations. (My comments are in brackets and the end of each.)

It is the same as what college boys say, “Fat girls try harder.” (Crude, but true.)

“Insecure people prefer other insecure people, just as most people end up with someone roughly as attractive as they are.” (True)

“Polling college students, who are going through an age specific development phase that involves lots of insecure feelings & self-exploration… (isn’t representative)… (W)omen I know get turned on by some aspect of a man’s confidence, whether it’s sexual, intellectual or something else. Also, most of us have learned to adapt somehow to compensate for various shortcomings in order to attract (others).” (True. True, True and True!)

Another writer dismissed the study saying:

“There seems to be a fundamental misunderstanding here about the difference between secure self-confidence and arrogance. Self-confidence is about being who you are, not telling people who you are. A self-confident person feels he can afford to be interested in others, their concerns, accomplishments and needs. This study is the kind of thing that makes people think poorly of psychology as a science.” (Ouch!)

Another said “Do you tend to worry about the relationships you’re in?” (a question asked of the subjects) is not a pure measure of insecurity; it’s imbued with a capacity for self-reflection. This “study” (like most social psychology research) is a mess. Self-report is a horrible way to research something like insecurity.” (True, if that’s the only variable.)

“The investigator is not differentiating between conscious and unconscious insecurity. It’s the latter that makes us insufferable — whereas the former can make us charming. (True)

“The problem is not insecurity — it’s cluelessness — but the researcher has ignored that (although, sadly, revealed her own).” (True and I’m not sure!)

Someone who calls herself (himself?) Psychohistorian wrote:

“This is the dumbest and least scientific thing I’ve read…. It shows that insecure people behave insecurely, and that dominant people behave dominantly, and then speculates that people might prefer the former, despite …overwhelming evidence to the contrary” (True and true)

While Buddahbless wrote:

Wow. This study seems really subjective and odd. It sounds to me like the so-called confident are assholes, and the ‘insecure’ are actually more interesting, nice people.

Unfortunately, True.
Hare Wave wrote”

I think this study is confusing intelligence with insecurity. Most overly confident people are that way because their ignorance lulls them into a false sense of security. Anyone with a brain realizes that they have strengths and weaknesses and can be insecure about some aspects of themselves while confident about others. This study wants to throw people into one category or the other but most people…are far more complex than these overly simplified concepts.

True.

SOME OTHER THOUGHTS

WOW!! Fascinating stuff! Here are some other thoughts (mine).

Some people prey on the insecure. They are easily spotted and others can take advantage.
Some insecure people think anybody who is confident is arrogant. Their very insecurity makes them suspicious of self-assured people.
Men are often attracted to women who appear insecure because it makes them feel helpful and manly.
Pixmac: BDS
It also gives them a better shot at “getting a girl” especially if they themselves are insecure. (And ladies, yes, a lot of men are insecure!)

It’s one thing to study and report on human behaviour accurately—we all want to know more about how we behave so we can either fix a flaw or improve our performance but if the study is flawed or is perceived as being flawed the results don’t help us much.

At the very least studies such as this one are not clear enoough are thus unconvincing.

WHAT’S YOUR TAKE ON IT?

It’s a complex topic. I’d love to hear what you think.

Comment below!

For more information on the self, please just sign in to my mailing list above.

IF YOU Are not a subscriber, you can begin by getting my Ebook

FOUR QUESTIONS TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE!

It’s FREE here and will be on Amazon for around $3.

You can also get a FREE consultation with me on any problem that might be driving you nuts.

For a 20 minute–FREE— introduction, please email me: daleyfrank0@gmail.com or call me: 647-205-5059

I’ll be with you.

-Frank

Part 2: Searching for yourself? Flying blind? Need a new search party?

Part 12: Self-regard. Do you ever feel worthless?

Part 15: Do what you love, but know yourself first

Part 17: Self confidence & insecurity in dating

Up next:

Part 18: Self-esteem comes with self-knowledge and self-love

Frank Daley
daleyfrank0@gmail.com
647-205-5059
356 Westridge Drive , Waterloo, Ontario, Canada

Is ‘self-discovery’ destroying marriage? Not really.

February 26, 2015 by daleyfrank0

Any self-discovery going on here?

‘Self-discovery.’ Is it destroying marriage?

This is Part 16 in a series of articles about the “self.” (See more below!)

A U.S. psychologist thinks so it is. Ian Semple, writing in Britain’s The Guardian, examines this controversial theory.

“Eli Finkel, director of social psychology at Northwestern University in Illinois, said couples today looked to their marriages to help them “grow as individuals”, and support them through “voyages of self-discovery.

But their expectations are rarely met, he said, because of the investment of time and effort involved.”

Finkel is quoted as saying:

“In 2014, … your partner cannot do that unless he or she really knows who you are…(and) that requires much greater investment of time and psychological resources,”

THE PROBLEM WITH THE THESIS

The problem with that statement is that it is riddled more with questions than the answers it purports to give.

First, as a general statement about some people it is probably true.

But that desire is not necessarily (or I submit, even usually) a conscious desire.

It is a subconscious yearning, a dream, an unspoken hope.

Second, it’s a contradiction in terms (and in reality) to have someone else find you.

You have to do that yourself.

Third, the chances of your spouse knowing you better than you (can) know yourself are slim unless you are totally un-self-aware. Which, of course IS possible!

YOUR PARTNER DOES KNOW YOU BUT NOTHING LIKE the self-discovery you can find.

Oh, s/he he’ll know some things about you that you don’t know about you but nothing like the bigger picture you can get if you do some rigorous self-detection.

The fact is that most people don’t self-discover; they are only dimly aware that it might be a good idea to know themselves,

Of course, people can help you do that by encouraging it.

And of course many people ARE aware of the quest to improve themselves, to self-discover.

BUT THOSE POPULAR “SELF-THINGS” ARE SECONDARY TO THE CORE ELEMENTS OF SELF-KNOWLEDGE

Most people unaware of the benefits of the core idea of self-knowledge.

Self-improvement, yes. (I need to be better at “x.”)

Self-growth, yes? (I need to be better at more things.)

Self-development, yes? (I need to develop myself.)

But self-knowledge? As they say these days, “Not so much.”

“Time was (says Finkel) when a roof over your head, food on the table and occasional bouts of sexual activity were the hallmarks of a successful marriage. Not any more.”

Well, THAT’s true!

Here’s the complete article: Dreams of ‘self-discovery’ destroying marriage, claims psychologist

WANT TO KNOW MORE …

ABOUT THE MOST INTERESTING PERSON IN THE WORLD?

YOU?

If you want to know more about yourself, don’t count on your spouse, count on yourself.

And count on me.

I won’t tell you about yourself. I don’t know you from Adam…but I can teach you how to learn about yourself.

Consider the benefits:

You will

self-develop

self-grow

self-improve (is that a word?)
WHY?

Because you will know yourself.

Your marriage might improve too since you are not asking your partner do something you have to do yourself.

But yes, I can help. Try it…you’ll like it!

Join me at Self-knowledge College.

P.S. The study was conducted at Northwestern University in Chicago where I received an M.A.
(No connection, really, I just thought it was interesting!)
P.P. S.IF YOU Are not a subscriber, you can begin by getting my Ebook
FOUR QUESTIONS TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE!
It’s FREE here and will be on Amazon soon for around $3.
You can also get a FREE consultation with me on any problem that might be driving you nuts.
If you have a problem with time management, personal goals, choosing a career path, the inability to choose a life partner (maybe you consistently date the wrong people) or any other troublesome area, you can help solve it with self-knowledge and I can teach you how to do that.
For a 20 minute–FREE— introduction, please email me: daleyfrank0@gmail.com or call me: 647-205-5059
I’ll be with you.
-Frank
Previous posts:

Part 1: Do you find yourself or create it? And why bother anyway?

Part 2: Searching for yourself? Flying blind? Need a new search party?

Part 12: Self-regard. Do you ever feel worthless?

Part 15: Do what you love, but know yourself first

Up next:

Part 17: Self confidence & insecurity in dating

Frank Daley
daleyfrank0@gmail.com
647-205-5059
356 Westridge Drive , Waterloo, Ontario, Canada

Do What You Love but first know who you are

February 24, 2015 by daleyfrank0

Do what you love.

But first- know who you are.

This is Part 15 in a series of articles about the “self”.

I hope you’ve asked yourself,

“Who am I and what am I doing here?”

in this job.
in this country
in this relationship
in this educational program

This is the beginning of self-knowledge.

Finding out who you are and what you want is not easy.

It is, however, exactly what we focus on here at THE DALEY POST and SELF-KNOWLEDGE COLLEGE

Whether you have established a connection between yourself and a “higher purpose” or meaningful life, you have doubtless thought about it.

Here are 16 quotations to help you explore the idea of living with greater purpose and passion. They are from Joe Wilner’s site Your Best Self.

1. “Musicians must make music, artists must paint, poets must write if they are to ultimately be at peace with themselves. What human beings can be, they must be.” – Abraham Maslow

The admonition to “Be yourself” is useless advice unless you know yourself.

2. “Where there is no vision, the people perish.” – Proverbs 29:18

No vision means no goals. No goals means you don’t know what you are good at and what you would love to do. That means no self-knowledge.

3. “This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night of the day, thou canst not be false to any man.” – William Shakespeare

What do you want? What should you do? True to yourself? How can you do that when you don’t know yourself. Find out at Self-Knowledge College

4. “Never let the odds keep you from pursuing what you know in your heart you were mean to do.” – Satchel Paige

Why are you here on earth? Do do what you love. But first you have to find that out and to do that you must know yourself.

5. “The two most important days in life are the day you born and the day you discover the reason why.” – Mark Twain

The next most important day is today–when you finally decide to figure out who you are and what you want.

READ MORE

If you want to know more about yourself and what you are doing (or “supposed” to be doing, or think you should be doing here while you are on earth) consider joining me at Self-Knowledge College.
I can help you figure this out in six -twelve weeks. (Your choice.)
Not kidding.
IF YOU Are not a subscriber, you can begin by getting my eBook
FOUR QUESTIONS TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE!
It’s FREE here and will be on Amazon soon for around $3.
You can also get a FREE consultation with me on any problem that might be driving you nuts.
If you have a problem with time management, personal goals, choosing a career path, the inability to choose a life partner (maybe you consistently date the wrong people) or any other troublesome area, you can help solve it with self-knowledge and I can teach you how to do that.
For a 20 minute–FREE— introduction, please email me: daleyfrank0@gmail.com or call me: 647-205-5059
I’ll be with you.
No, obligation, we’ll just talk.
-Frank
Previous posts:

Part 1: Do you find yourself or create it? And why bother anyway?

Part 2: Searching for yourself? Flying blind? Need a new search party?

Part 3: Be yourself. Everybody else is taken!

Part 4: Self discovery without viagra.

Part 5: Selfish vs Selfless (in women)

Part 6: Selfish. Always wrong?

Part 7: Selfishness, in the family.

Part 8: Singer Sarah Slean knows who she is

Part 9: Whatever you do, don’t be yourself!

Part 10: Self sinks soon. Save yourself!

Part 11: Be yourself, problem-solving

Part 12: Self-regard. Do you ever feel worthless?

Part 13: Be more successful. Know yourself

Part 14: Do self-help books work?

Part 15: Do what you love, but know yourself first

Up next:

Part 16: Self-discovery: Destroying marriage?

Frank Daley
daleyfrank0@gmail.com
647-205-5059
356 Westridge Drive , Waterloo, Ontario, Canada

Do self-help books help?

February 21, 2015 by daleyfrank0

DO SELF-HELP BOOKS HELP?

This is Part 14 in a series of articles about the “self.”

Or are these books a scam to fool people?

It’s a multi-billion dollar business and the sales are increasing.

ANSWERS TO SOME PROBLEMS?

We look to self-help books for answers to our problems.

Thousands of titles exist on a broad range of topics. Weight loss, diet, personal relationships, dating, loss, grief and finding love are some of the big topics.

IT’S AN OLD GENRE!

Self-help advice dates back to the writings of the ancient Greeks.

Around 600 B.C., the first of the Greek sages, Thales of Miletus, made the observation that the most difficult thing in the world was “To Know Thyself.”

Difficult, yes; a life-long project yes; but rewarding, exhilarating and fun!

Also, about the most important thing you can do as a human.

The British newspaper, The Guardian, credits the emergence of self-help literature 155 years ago to Scottish author Samuel Smiles, who sold 20,000 copies of his self-help book in 1859.

Do you remember hearing of the phrase,”Day by day, in every way, I’m getting better and better?”

The idea was you were supposed to repeat this to yourself 20 times a day or more.

That was coined by the French psychologist, Émile Coué in 1920.

Optimistic auto-suggestions they were called and they have morphed (but not much) into affirmations today and some people live by them.

This concept lot positive thinking has increased into an aspect of positive psychology and is a common theme of self-help authors.

I AM A SELF-HELP AUTHOR

I am such an author, by default, and although I’m not big on endless affirmations, I do know that positive self-talk is a helluva lot superior to negative self-talk!

The Great Depression (1929-1941) was a time of economic and social crisis.

It was in those dark times that Norman Vincent Peale brought his “power of positive thinking” to the public, initially through his radio broadcasts during the depression of 1929-1941.

Dale Carnegie introduced his book and seminars. “How to Win Friends and Influence People.” in 1936.

I saw a TV interview tithe self-help author and a critic who pooh-poohed the whole genre and suggested authors were basically fooling people.

The man being interviewed was one of the authors of the Chicken Soup for the Soul series, Mark Victor Hansen.

His reply was accurate I believe.

He said that if a person bought a $30 book and they got even one little thing that improved their lives out of it, then the book and the purchase was worth it.

That makes sense to me.

MY BOOK

My own book is called: Who Are You and What Are You Doing Here? The way to know yourself and get what you want.

It will be available here soon as well as its companion workbook (one for the general reader and one for at-risk students.)

It will also be available on Amazon. No price or date yet.

For now, you can get a core chapter of the book as a gift.

It’s an ebook called: FOUR QUESTIONS TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE!

It’s FREE on this site just for registering (also free) with us at Self-knowledge College.

It will be on Amazon soon for around $3.
You can also get a free consultation with me on any problem that might be driving you nuts.
If you have a problem with time management, personal goals, choosing a career path, the inability to choose a life partner (maybe you consistently date the wrong people) or any other troublesome area, you can help solve it with self-knowledge and I can teach you how to do that.
For a 20 minute–FREE— introduction, please email me: daleyfrank0@gmail.com or call me: 647-205-5059
I’ll be with you.
-Frank
Previous posts:

Part 1: Do you find yourself or create it? And why bother anyway?

Part 2: Searching for yourself? Flying blind? Need a new search party?

Part 12: Self-regard. Do you ever feel worthless?

Part 1: Do you find yourself or create it? And why bother anyway?

Next up:

Part 15: Do what you love, but know yourself first

Frank Daley
daleyfrank0@gmail.com
647-205-5059
356 Westridge Drive , Waterloo, Ontario, Canada

Be more successful. Know yourself.

February 19, 2015 by daleyfrank0

Be more successful. Know Yourself.

(More successful on your own terms, not Donald Trump’s.)

Painting by Barbara Muir

Do you feel sometimes as though you might be losing your “self.”

And that it is hurting your changes for success? (Never mind your self-confidence and general stability?)

(This is Part 13 in a series of articles about the “self.” For more, see the links below)

Can your sense of self wither?

Unfortunately, it can. But it can also be bolstered.

CAN YOU BE MORE SUCCESSFUL?

1. Do you feel you should be more successful?
2. Do you constantly choose the wrong partner?
3. Are you afraid of losing your job, or have you?
4. Do you want to change jobs but don’t know what job?
5. Are others at work being more “successful”–getting promotions, more money, more responsibility, more opportunities?
6. Do you feel like you are running out of time to change your life?

If you answered “yes” to one of those questions, you’re in the right place.

Here we speak and write about The Self and if it is damaged or never got a chance to be strong, that can be devastating because it affects everything we think and do.

If you answered yes to more than one of those questions, pull up a chair, get a drink and settle in because this is the right place for you!

You can turn the “yes” answers for those questions into “No” answers when you know yourself better.

MAKE BETTER DECISIONS ABOUT YOU

When you really know yourself you will be able to make far better decisions about what you want, and what you are willing to do to get it.

You will make job or career choices that suit your talents, gifts and abilities.

You will make the correct choice about what college program you shouldchoose (or choose not to go. Not everybody should and so wha!?)

You will finally get a grip on what kind of person you should be dating.You’ll know (finally) how to recognize the right person to spend your life with. If that has been a problem, won’t that be good?

SELF-KNOWLEDGE

I’ll teach you how to do all this through self-knowledge. The material here is a combination of philosophy, positive psychology, self-help, street smarts and common sense.

It is only an introduction to self-knowledge, but it can change your life overnight.

It can be transformative and I can prove it.

People learn how to live life well from their families, at school, or through mentors but many people have not had access to these great learning opportunities. If that is the case with you, we can change that now.

YOUR BACKGROUND

It doesn’t matter what your social background or educational level is. I can help you to improve your chances for success.

This material is not a secret but it might as well be if you don’t know about it.

Other people aren’t smarter than you are, they have just had more good fortune or better opportunities.

We can all access this information. LIFE IS CHAOTIC but it has some order and structure.

SOME LIFE RULES

There are some life rules that operate independent of our knowledge of them.

Whether we know the rules or not
like that there are rules or not
like the rules or not
follow them or not
it doesn’t matter.

These “rules” (think gravity) work relentlessly on.

We ignore them at our peril.

This site will teach you the basic rules of the game of life.

I find and use the best research on human development from all over the world so you dont have to.

But while you do have to play by some immutable life rules, you can also make rules to live by.

You don’t have to capitulate.

Know Yourself
Get what you want
Be More Successful!

I’ll help you do it.
IF YOU Are not a subscriber, you can begin by getting my Ebook
FOUR QUESTIONS TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE!
It’s FREE here and will be on Amazon soon for around $3.

You can also get a free consultation with me on any problem that might be driving you nuts.

For a 20 minute–FREE— introduction, please email me: daleyfrank0@gmail.com or call me: 647-205-5059

I’ll be with you.

-Frank

P.S. I’m preparing something that will transform your life.

Watch for information on how to participate.

In the meantime, if this interests you, please email me: daleyfrank0@gmail.com

There’s no obligation whatsoever.

Previous posts:

Part 2: Searching for yourself? Flying blind? Need a new search party?

Part 12: Self-regard. Do you ever feel worthless?

Up next: