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THE WAY TO SUCCESS IN YOUR PERSONAL, ACADEMIC AND PROFESSIONAL LIFE.

Six Reasons for Lack of Self-Knowledge #3

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Lack of Self-Knowledge: Reason #3

#3 They think they are not smart enough

They think self-knowledge is only for people with PhDs or gurus who sit on mountain tops in India.
Or for famous writers, or MBAs, or philosophy professors in universities or think tanks. 
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Maybe this idea comes from what they’ve heard about Greek philosophy and that would be enough to scare off anybody, but it isn’t true. Philosophy is just examining life, our world and our place in it.
The other thing is, you can learn something you don’t know about yourself fast. And that information can help, you guide you for everything you do.
You already know a lot. For example, you know:
  • whether you are a night-owl or an early riser;
  • what your favorite foods are;
  • what you favorite kinds of movies and books are, etc.
Those are good things to know, yes?
It makes decision-making a lot easier.
Well, think about ratcheting up that knowledge up about a thousand times and you start to really know yourself and see your great potential when you discover the real, authentic you!
Let me show you something pretty fast.
Here’s a site that allows you to discover some of your strengths and weaknesses.
What you’ll learn here will help you know yourself a little better (maybe a lot better!)
Think about that when you are done, and then think what we could do together to discover much more about you
Self-knowledge will help you be more successful in your personal and professional life.
Your academic life too, for that matter.
Knowing yourself allows you to make better choices for yourself and, about yourself.
And even more important—it will be on your own terms. It will use your gifts, talents, and abilities to the utmost—to realize your true potential.
We get one shot at life—make it your best shot.
Email me and we’ll talk. I’ll show you how to improve your life in so many ways it’ll make your head spin.
You will reduce procrastination, increase your time management, improve your goal-setting and make you more content.
That’s a lot, but it doesn’t come close to the benefits of self-knowledge.
You will be amazed at what you were missing.
I assure you!
Lets schedule a FREE half hour conversation.
See if you agree! If you don’t, no problem! You’ve got nothing to lose if you take action, but  a lot to lose if you don’t.
As they used to say in that shampoo ad—You’re WORTH IT!
Frank

Six Reasons for Lack of Self-Knowledge #2

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Lack of Self-Knowledge: Reason #2

#2 They think it’s too difficult 

It’s not.
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Yes, it takes work, but it is also exciting because it focuses on the most important person on the planet—YOU!

Not in a selfish way, but in a positive, truthful, freeing way.
Here’s a little example.

JOBS, CAREER, WORK

We’re talking jobs here, careers, work. 
Imagine you are back in school. 

Remember those concrete brick classrooms covered with cream or off-white paint? Blackboards covered some of those walls, and there were windows on one side, but usually, the back of the room was entirely concrete brick.
Imagine that classroom was not 30 feet wide but 80. And 12 feet tall. Think of it as a convention hall room. 
Now imagine that each brick had the name of a job painted on it: nurse, sanitation man, doctor, grocery store clerk, lawyer, etc.jobs son bricks 80 feet wide and 12 feet high.
Here’s your task.

HOW DO YOU CHOOSE YOUR LIFE’S WORK?

Grab a piece of chalk.
Go to the front of the room.
Turn your back to the job wall. 
Over your shoulder, throw a piece of chalk at that wall.
Wherever it strikes a brick, that’s your job for life. 
You can’t aim it or have second tries. 
Throw, hit, accept. 
That’s it.
Do you like that idea?
A THROW OF THE DICE OR WORSE?
You don’t know yourself well enough to select a college program or a job that suits your abilities, talents and gifts, so you choose at random. 
Because you do not KNOW your talents, gifts, and abilities. Or you go into a job because your father did it. Or because your friends are going into it. Or because it’s the ‘next big thing’. Or because it’s trendy.​​  

​BECAUSE YOU DON’T KNOW ANY BETTER?

How will you feel fifty years on if you do that
​
How do  you feel now, if that’s what you did?
Right. 
Not good.
 
There are circumstances that prevent us from doing what we were meant to do. Or even trained to do.
That’s life. 
Think of the immigrants who were professionals in their home countries– they’re from Syria now, but others have been coming here for two hundred years or more–who faced the same circumstances.
They are Immigrants as many of us (or our parents or grandparents) once were who come to Canada, the U.S., or Britain and find that because they don’t speak English and don’t have the requisite background, education or credentials they are at a huge disadvantage.
Even if they if they have the credentials in their home countries, those are not accepted here. Ever. Or not without more training and developed language skills. 
They are often too old for that and besides they have to get a job, support their families, educate their children and hope the kids will make it. Eventually.
​ 
They don’t have a choice. That choice was taken from them by war or some other catastrophe.

​YOU HAVE A CHOICE, BUT IT REQUIRES SELF-EXAMINATION

We just have to understand that there IS a choice, and we need the information to make it responsibly, carefully and successfully. 
It isn’t difficult to “get” it if we know the consequences of NOT getting it.

​Just think about it.  If you would like to discuss your SELF, I’m here for you. 
​
Frank
frankdaley@rogers.com

Six Reasons for Lack of Self-Knowledge #1

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Lack of Self-Knowledge: Reason #1

Most people are reluctant to go on an interior journey of the “self.” They offer one or more of six objections. I’ll write about them for the next week.

See if any of them apply to you.

#1. They think the whole business of Self-Knowledge is “airy fairy,” insubstantial and silly.

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It’s not.
It can be among the most demanding things you do in life. You need to be rigorous and truthful.
You will not like everything you discover about yourself. OK, so what? You know that’s the case already. We all feel that way because it’s true.
Knowing yourself will make whatever problem there is (if there is one) more specific, more  accessible. You’ll ‘be able to identify the  problem and then solve it.
You can never solve a problem you don’t “see” or can’t identify.
My system, my process, allows you to see the problem areas, identify them and then we’ll figure out how to solve them.
Here’s a short book on THAT issue!
What's Your problem? No, really, what IS your Problem? The Sherlock Holmes Guide to Problem Identification
There’s a reason you are having a problem in life that you can’t identify (and therefore can’t solve) and there’s no point or solution in feeling that way. Maybe get that short book and see if it resonates.
It works. This short book helps  you “see” the real problem so you can find ways of solving it rather than throwing up your hands in futility. We can’t solve it because we get side-tracked by three psychological blocks that prevent us from seeing the problem clearly.
It is frequently involves a delicate subject that involves a relationship with a person close to us. Often we say we ‘can’t’ solve an emotionally-charged problem that has been bothering us for months or years.  
Email me and we’ll talk.
frankdaley@rogers.com

Be yourself! Good luck with that! Know yourself first.

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Be Yourself. Good luck with that! Know Yourself First.

Many people in our society tell children to “be yourself.” 

This is well-meaning advice but impossible to do and totally wasted advice if the child does not ‘know herself.’ 

It is said mostly to young girls and boys who admittedly, have a herd mentality about many things.

Being yourself is not high on the list.

Teenagers (and even younger children) want the same heavily advertised material thing. Think of clothes, movie stars, and running shoes. 

Parents are trying to get them to be more independent, to think for themselves, but everybody wants to be part of the group.

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Nobody wants to be different. 

Being different usually translates as being alone or being a nerd and ultimately alone. 

Nobody wants to be alone.

But you can’t be yourself if you are different and you conform. 

JUST BE YOURSELF!

Parents say to their children, ‘Just be you, just be yourself.’

Note the word ‘just.’

We see this every day on TV. A parent has a child murdered and she says to a reporter, “I just want my child back.”

The request is touching but  hopeless because she says she just wants what is ‘impossible.’ 

It isn’t ‘just”anything; it is everything. 

‘Just’ implies a little thing, a morsel in the feast of what we want. But immediately we go for the ultimate: Bring my child back to life.

We know what parents mean when the give the advice “be yourself”–they mean:

  • don’t copy everyone else
  • don’t be a lemming (If Billy jumped off a bridge would you jump off one too?)
  • don’t get carried away with peer group influence
  • don’t be like everyone else
  • don’t always conform

 So the word  ‘just’  in this application is not helpful.

Parents say as if it was an easy thing to do, as if when you look at all the difficult things you have to do, that being yourself is simple and easy. 

The hope is that this recommendation will eliminate all the stress that accompanies being torn between being yourself and going with the crowd.

It’s supposed to solve all your problems.

Everyone knows that’s nonsense, but people continue to say it, probably because trying to think of something really effective to say to a teenager is too complicated or difficult. (Well, they’re right about that!)

Not that the idea is worthless. 

The most important person in the world is you. 

Not your mother. 

Not your boyfriend.

Not your husband. 

You! 

To be yourself means first, you have to know yourself.

That comes first, but is ignored or skipped over in the advice columns.

At Self-Knowledge College and Dropout to Dean’s List, I help people get to know themselves better so they can be more successful in their personal, academic and professional lives–on their own terms.

If  you, or someone you know, would benefit from learning more about themselves just email me. 

We’ll set up a brief, FREE conversation that could prove advantageous.

frankdaley@rogers.com

Frank

How Writing Helps Self-Knowledge And Promotes Success

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Why writing is important to my business success and your personal success through Self-knowledge.

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WRITING 1: WORK AND YOU

My business is Self-Knowledge College.
My sister site is Dropout to Dean’s List (for at-risk students).
My work is helping people know themselves so they can make better decisions for themselves and find success on their own terms in their personal and professional lives.
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It involves teaching people to know themselves and self-knowledge by itself isn’t going to attract many people on it’s own.
It’s not “sexy” enough.
It doesn’t provide an immediate, downloadable result for $100, much less $47.

OBJECTIONS TO OUR WORK

People have a lot of psychological, emotional and mental objections (most of them unconscious) to the idea of learning more about themselves.

  • First, they think they already know themselves pretty well since they know what movies, sports and food they prefer.
  • And they know what their most productive time of day is—whether, for example, they are early birds or night owls.
  • Then, if they think of self-knowledge at all, they often dismiss it because they think it is too difficult, takes too long to achieve, is only for gurus on mountains in diapers, (or geniuses or Phds).
  • If those don’t apply, they are fearful of learning about themselves because they think they won’t like everything they learn (they won’t—but they already have suspicions at the very least about those things). They don’t realize, yet, that they will also learn so many more many wonderful things about themselves that they also don’t know. Yet!

HOW AM I DOING?

How am I doing? I’m not sure. I have written in many forms professionally with good results but writing to you is more difficult. There isn’t a lot of feedback so far so it’s difficult to know whether I’m reaching you or not. This is an attempt to explain why writing is important for my work of helping you and important for you in your work of knowing yourself better.

WRITING 2: THE BEST WAY TO REACH YOU

I was going to say that writing is not the only way to reach you—there are such things as podcast, videos, teleseminars, webinars, speaking from the stage etc., but all of them involve writing as a first step.
I have used none of these yet, except public speaking—although I intend to—but when I do, I’ll l have to write scripts, outlines, drafts of posts, courses or books, notes for Voice/over videos, scripts for on-camera videos etc.
All of them involve writing.

WRITING 3: OBSTACLES TO CONNECTION

Writing—words— are the best way to reach people because apparently something happened in their childhoods that prevented other methods of reaching them from taking effect.

What are some of these?

Poor parenting is one (often unavoidable given the problems of growing up having children–while still being children in many ways themselves) and having to take responsibility for raising them while struggling with their own education, work and lack of self-awareness.
A lack of someone, somehow, using words (and yes, non-verbal displays of affection) to reach the child and tell them of their many gifts, talents and abilities. This lack of words has led to people not appreciating themselves, not knowing themselves and therefore not loving themselves. That a part is crucial because if you don’t know yourself, you can’t love yourself—you can’t love what you don’t know.
Many people in North America are immigrants with little formal education in their own languages much less familiarity with English. Writing—basic, simple, transformative language— is necessary to reach these citizens.

WHAT I BELIEVE

My thesis is that if you don’t know yourself three bad things will happen to you in life:

  1. You will not be in the right line of work
  2. You will not be with the right person and
  3. You will not be happy

You won’t be happy because of the first two.

Fighting our way through life, as we all must, requires some education, either formal or informal  and each of these require language. I need language—writing—to reach people on a deep level.
Our lives are filled with superficialities, meretricious attempts to distract us from our life purpose. 
And what if we can’t even define our purpose?
You need language too, in order to probe yourself, rigorously investigate  yourself, to determine your authentic self. Since most of us are adults—even my at-risk students are adults—we need some way to be alerted to the notion that learning more about who we are and what we want in life is monumentally important.
Important, and while not easy—it does require work to get to know yourself—it is also amazingly interesting and rewarding. Who is more interesting, more important, not in an entitled way, but in a profound way—than you are?
Nobody.
But you can’t help anyone else unless and until you are secure and confident in yourself, in your emotional, psychological and spiritual self. Nor can you help yourself much because you don’t know who you are and what you want or what questions to ask and answer and what directions or paths to take.

WRITING 4: COMMUNICATION

Words, writing, in some form or another (film scripts, TV shows,  movies, slide shows–are all based on writing), is the best way to communicate, to reach people, to suggest, to seduce, to persuade to convince them they that they are important and worthy and can be better. 
We all want be better, to improve ourselves, but we put obstacles in our own way, we self-sabotage for myriad reasons.
Words—writing and reading— can eventually cut through the bafflegab of life. 
When you know yourself you become a jet-propelled activist on behalf of yourself. 
You can’t help but get better when you know yourself.
It is not possible to fail at self-knowledge if you stick with it.
It’ll take some time (and granted, you’ll never know everything about yourself because you are too complicated and life is too short) but it is easily possible to learn something new about yourself every day.

TAKE MY COURSE ON SELF-KNOWLEDGE

Join me in private or group work using my book, Who Are You and What Are You Doing Here? The way to know yourself and get what you want. WAY COVER JPEG

But first you must begin. And you begin by reading and listening to my words, through writing and speaking to you.

WRITING 5: SELF-KNOWLEDGE

Self-knowledge needs words to go deep in your job of self-detection.
It doesn’t matter if you are formally well educated or not—life has taught you many things.
I can teach you to harness those things, sort them out and prepare a system to follow things about you—or at least I can lead you to discover them.
One of the best ways to learn about yourself is to write about yourself.
That’s one of the things I will help you do if we work together. 
If I say Self-Knowledge, that’s because that’s what the core, the essence of you is. 
But we don’t constantly speak of Self-Knowledge in the abstract.
We use the right words to examine the presenting problems that are keeping you awake at night or causing you stress during the day.
I try to use simple, direct, clear language in my writing to examine things such as problems with time management, procrastination, goal-setting, the ability choose a college program or career path or even choosing a life partner.
We all know that one can be a life-destroyer.

IF YOU DON’T KNOW YOURSELF, YOU CAN’T LOVE YOURSELF

If you don’t know yourself you can’t love yourself because you can’t love something or somebody you don’t know.

It gets worse.

If you don’t love yourself, you can’t accept love from anyone else. Something inside you will subconsciously push that person away because you KNOW you are loveable.

This stuff doesn’t go away until and unless you address it. I have to use language, words, writing, to reach you and convince you things can be better in your personal and professional life.
You have to use them to be a gold detective of your inner self.
If you read and respond to my words.
The words, the writing, are important to me but they are also important to you if you need my assistance in gaining Self-Knowledge.
Or even if you don’t.
Join me at Self-Knowledge College.
For a FREE consultation, a strategy session, just email me at daleyfrank0@gmail.com
or call me at 905-584-0617.
If you could do it yourself, you would have done it by now.

WRITING 6: YOU

Write to me as I do to you.
I’m with you in this.
-Frank
Contact Info:
daleyfrank0@gmail.com
905-584-0617

Self-esteem and self-confidence–what's the difference?

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Self-esteem and self confidence.What’s the difference?

People often confuse ‘self-esteem’ and ‘self concept.’

The big difference between the self-concept and self-esteem is that the self-concept refers in general to the thinking aspect of self as it relates to our self-image (that is, how we see ourselves as related to others in a cognitive or thinking way) while self-esteem refers to the affective or emotional aspect, or the way we feel about ourselves. 

Self-esteem

Self-esteem


(Some psychologists and other writers discuss the two terms almost interchangeably, which can be confusing, but the distinctions we make here should be helpful.)

SELF-CONCEPT  

The self-concept is “the totality of a complex, organized, and dynamic system of learned beliefs, attitudes and opinions that each person holds to be true about his or her personal existence.” (W. Purkey. 1998. An Overview of self-concept theory for counselors.)

That’s pretty clear–almost everything and anything we think or believe or have learned (from others and from our own actions and experiences.)
Franken says that a great deal of research indicates that the self-concept is the basis for all motivated behavior (R. Franken Human Motivation. 3rd ed. 1994)

It is the self-concept that gives rise to our possible selves and it is  our possible selves that create the motivation for behavior.

Our view of ourselves and our possibilities in the world is centered here.
Franken says that “people who have good self-esteem have a clearly differentiated self-concept.”
This makes sense, doesn’t?

SELF-ESTEEM

Self-esteem is the way we feel about ourselves.
We can be skilled at something yet feel inadequate.
We can be in a position of authority, influence or power and yet worry about whether we deserve or it can live up to it.
Sometimes we feel like frauds.
We think we’ve been getting away with a lie for years and someone is going to say ‘What the hell is he doing in that position? He’s doing a terrible job!”
We can feel like imposters or fakes.
Sometimes we luck into a job and  muddle around until we actually learn how to do it quite well but we are stuck with the feeling we had when we first got it. That we’re unfit for it.
Conversely we can feel that we’re doing as terrific job and be screwing it up.
Think of  the guy who ran the “clean up” of New Orleans after the floods, or Ron Ford, the ex-mayor of Toronto, or any of a dozen presidents of countries around the world.
Their self-esteem is high but misplaced.
They feel they are doing a good job but they are woefully out of touch.
So, in brief and generally-speaking, self-concept is what we think of ourselves and self-esteem (or lack thereof) is how we feel about ourselves.
SELF-KNOWLEDGE
People who know who they are can achieve more in life because they know what they can do and what they can’t do and they are more likely to be motivated to do what they can.          

EVIDENCE THAT SELF-KNOWLEDGE IS THE KEY TO LIFE!

OK, that might  be overstating it but not by much!

Certainly, Knowing Yourself is the key to greater achievement in life.

Well, that’s the kind of thing that prompted me to study this whole field and to write and teach about it. If he agree, say something about it b low!

And if you are getting ready to learn more about yourself, send me an email. frankdaley@rogers.com  

Want more free information about you?

Join me here:

 http://www.selfknowledgecollege.com

-Frank

4 Steps to Self-Awareness…Free for 3 days!

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WAYMy book,
How to Know Yourself: 4 Steps to Self-Awareness
… is free on Amazon until August 3rd!
There are four steps to self-awareness which leads to self-knowledge.
They are asked here i  the form of questions.
1. What do you want?  A detailed rigorous process of exactly what you want  at this time. It  can change but vagueness does not help. For example, if  you say you want to be happy what does that mean?
Ask 50 people and they will all gove different answers.
We want to know what would make YOU happy.
Actually, YOU want to know, don’t you?
2. What do you you  need  (Not the same thing at all. You might need a car but you don’t need a Maserati!)
What you need doesn’t become clear until later when you take into consideration what your spouse or children want and need too.
3. What are you willing to do get (what you  want and need)?
4. (I’ll tell you that inside the book!)

Here’s the Link!

Pick it up when it’s free!

You won’t regret it.

Frank

Do you find self? Create self? And what’s the point?

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FIND SELF OR CREATE IT?

MANY EXPERTS ADVISE US TO “FIND OURSELVES.”  

WHY? What’s the point?

The point is you make better choices in life, better decisions about yourself because you know who you are and what you want.

DO WE FIND SELF OR CREATE IT?
There seems to be confusion, though, about whether we find ourselves (the self having already been created) or whether we create ourselves –from whatever is inside us and whatever we add throughout life.  

Both philosopher, Thomas Szasz, and writer, George Bernard Shaw, say

“The self is not something one finds: it is something one creates.”

What?

Thomas Szasz, philosopher.

S#*!

Many wise guys coming to opposite conclusions?

If they can’t agree –what chance do WE have of figuring this stuff out?

No wonder people never get to know themselves, I can hear you saying.

The experts can’t even get it straight!

“Find yourself” say some.

“No, You don’t find yourself, you create yourself,” say others.

That sounds like a contradiction. But it isn’t.

We CAN talk about finding our true selves if we use the term FINDING to mean we go deep inside ourselves to discover our natural gifts.

The ones that have the capacity to be identified and nurtured.

When you find your gifts (that is, RECOGNIZE them)…(and I can teach you how to do this later) …you then CREATE your SELF from them.

Your abilities, talents and gifts will tell you what your self is.

You can discover them now even if you don’t already know what they are.

Then you USE them to CREATE your SELF.

We are all unique in our human make-up, in our essence, even if we do not see it.
Other people will see it though.

Playwright George Bernard Shaw

Other people DID see it.

Your friends, teachers, relatives saw it in you when you were little.

  • Maybe those people did not nurture those things that make you unique.
  • Maybe they were preoccupied with their own problems.
  • Maybe they weren’t good at noticing these things.
  • Maybe they weren’t smart enough
  • Maybe they were jealous.

Who the hell knows?

And now, who cares.

Well, actually WE both care.  You and I.

We’re not going to be victims and mope around about it.

You probably (at least partially) recognized your true gifts too but maybe you weren’t paying attention either.

Why do you think you start wanting to do weird stuff when you get to be 30 or 35 or 40?

  • Stuff you’ve never done before–like playing a musical instrument or learning a language or reading about math?
  • Or picking up something that you vaguely remember liking to do when you were a kid.
  • Or starting to do something that intrigued the hell out of you when you were younger but somehow never had the time or the courage to try then?

We CAN go into this deeply (and if you stay with me we will).

And you’ll HAVE to do some deep work to some degree, even if it’s just to figure out how the hell you missed all the obvious signs that indicated you were an amazing creature.

  • Even if somebody did point these gifts out to you but you ignored their observations.
  • Even if you have failed to recognize your gifts.
  • Or abandoned them.
  • Or traded them for what you thought was shiny gain, or easy opportunity.
  • Or wrong-headed self-sacrifice.

(There’s a lot of THAT going on out there!)

The potential is still there.

So “finding yourself” or “creating yourself.”

Call it whatever you like.

If you want to be happy, you still have to do it.

If you are not a subscriber, you can begin by getting my eBook,

FOUR QUESTIONS TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE!

It’s FREE 

You can also get a free consultation with me on any problem that might be driving you nuts.

If you have a problem with time management, personal goals, choosing a career path, the inability to choose a life partner (maybe you consistently date the wrong people) or any other troublesome area, you can help solve it with self-knowledge and I can teach you how to do that.

For a 20 minute– FREE— introduction, please email me: daleyfrank0@gmail.com.

I’ll be with you.

In the meantime, sign up to Self-Knowledge College for much more information about YOU! 

-Frank

Self Definition: What’s in it for me?

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What is the point?

The notion of ‘self’ is obviously crucial to our work here at Self-Knowledge College.

It is THE most important thing we can do to be successful on our own terms in our personal and professional lives.

We require a clear and unambiguous definition of terms so that we can attempt to know our own ‘self’ or selves.

DO WE WANT TO WRECK OUR JOB AND MATE SEARCH?

If we don’t know ourselves we’ll screw up our mate and  job selection.

We have to. We’ll be flying blind. We won’t know any better.

We need to know ourselves, find ourselves if you want to put it that way. But if we don’t know what we’re looking for, there’s no chance we’ll find it.
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The self has been studied extensively by philosophers and psychologists and is central to many world religions.

With the recent rise in technology, the self has been discussed under various new emerging fields, such as Techno Self Studies (whatever that is!).

Yes, I could look it up. (Maybe later. Probably not.)

Philosophy

From philosophy we learn  that the self  is

  • the source of our consciousness
  • the agent responsible for our  thoughts and actions
  • and/or the substantial nature of us a people 

Psychology

I wrote a lot of stuff on psychology but it think it would bore you so we’ll just go with  “psychology forms the distinction between the self as I, the subjective knower, and the self as Me, the object that is known.”(Wikipedia)

In other words you, looking at you.

The self plays an integral part in human motivation, cognition, affect, and social identity

Look, we don’t have to get into all this in detail, only enough to know what we’re talking about when we’re talking about the ‘Self” or, more commonly, ourselves.

We will use the Oxford Dictionary .

bigstock-Middle-aged-couple-outdoors-10657865BASIC DEFINITION OF SELF

SELF:

  • A person’s essential being; that which distinguishes a person from another
  • A person’s particular nature or personality
  •  Your consciousness of your own identity
  •  A person considered as a unique individual
  •  One’s own self.
  •  By one’s own efforts; or by its own action (self-adjusting)
  •  Of, or directed towards, oneself or itself (self-hatred)

That’s you, baby!

But we normally don’t really know much bout ourselves. We’re too busy working or helping others or…well, you know. Don’t you want to know more about yourself so you could make better decisions for yourself?

Who do you think you are?

Haven’t you made some choices and later said, “I don’t know what came over me!”

I knew it. Hang in there. More coming.

Don’t wait for more information on you, get it fresh off the press in your mailbox.

You secretly getting to know you. And finding out how terrific you are. 

Join Self-Knowledge College today! 

Thanks,

-Frank

P.S email me with any questions. frankdaley@rogers.com

Love Yourself First Or You Can’t Love Anyone Else

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You can’t love anybody else unless you love yourself first.
Love is a complicated subject and most people get it wrong at first–some never get it right.
We get love confused with its imposters lust, infatuation, etc (a subject for another day) but the key to understanding love is to know what you will read here today. Oscar_de_la_Renta_by_foto_di_matti
Oscar De La Renta, the famous clothing designer, who died last year when announcing a new perfume called “Live In Love” said he had been astonished to learn that that name not been registered.
He  got to talking with a reporter on the nature of love.

De La Renta said,

I am always in love but first of all love starts with yourself. You cannot love someone unless you love yourself. Because love is about how you live your life. You cannot be madly in love with someone if you are unhappy with yourself.

LOVE AND HAPPINESS

He related it to happiness and said,

“Happiness has nothing to do with wealth. It has to do with your spirit.  And you have to discover that spirit to discover happiness.”

He’s right, of course.

  • You certainly can’t be happy unless you love yourself.
  • You cannot love anyone else if you don’t love yourself.
  • You can’t give away what you don’t have.
  • If you don’t love yourself you can’t give that love to someone else.

People think they can love someone else even if they don’t love themselves.

In fact, they convince themselves that they are indeed loving persons because they “love” someone  (although not themselves).

They think that although they themselves are unlovable (in their own minds and hearts) other people ARE loveable and they can love them. 

(That’d be good, they think.) They feel they can connect in that way. They can love others even if they can’t love themselves.

Not true.

What they have, or do, is not love, it is a bastardized connection based on inequality or yearning. It can’t be reciprocated unless the relationship is dysfunctional. Unfortunately, that is common. Pity can come back to the person who lacks self-love.

So can concern and a kind of mild affection but not real love, unless it is a faulty kind of love based on sympathy, and that’s not what is desired, is it?

And sometimes, what comes back to these people is discomfort, even disdain, because what they project is recognized by the intended love object, as false, or inadequate love or, simply, not real love but something else.

Sometimes, resentment can build in the loved one because the loved one does not feel real love but need  coming from the “unlovable” one.

That need on the part of  the loveless, turns into a silent (or not so silent!) demand for a return of the love they are trying to compete with the loved one.

It is not pretty. It gets worse. 

One who does not love himself/herself cannot give real love but cannot receive love either. Why?

Because the “unlovable” one does not believe anyone else could love him or her (they know the “truth”–that they are unlovable. They “know” this! You can’t convince them they are worth loving.)

And, “knowing ” this to be true,  then they suspect that any affection that comes to them is fraught with baggage. They think the people who say they love them are lying, mistaken, manipulative or stupid.

Otherwise they, too, would recognize that  the would-be lover is unlovable and reject them.

Complicated, yes. But also simple.
You cannot love someone else if you do not love yourself. And you cannot accept love from another if you do not love yourself. To go even deeper, you cannot love what you do not know. Therefore, you cannot love yourself unless you know yourself.

Everything is centered in Self-Knowledge. There’s much more to this than I’ve written here. When you began to know yourself, you’ll discover how great you are! And then– and then– you will start to love yourself, if you don’t already.

If you already do love yourself, terrific, then you’ll  learn more about you, always a good thing. Keep you out of trouble.

If  you are a member here, good!
If you are not and would like to be, register HERE for a lot of FREE information about YOU!
-Frank

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