Be Yourself. Good luck with that! Know Yourself First.
Many people in our society tell children to “be yourself.”
This is well-meaning advice but impossible to do and totally wasted advice if the child does not ‘know herself.’
It is said mostly to young girls and boys who admittedly, have a herd mentality about many things.
Being yourself is not high on the list.
Teenagers (and even younger children) want the same heavily advertised material thing. Think of clothes, movie stars, and running shoes.
Parents are trying to get them to be more independent, to think for themselves, but everybody wants to be part of the group.
Nobody wants to be different.
Being different usually translates as being alone or being a nerd and ultimately alone.
Nobody wants to be alone.
But you can’t be yourself if you are different and you conform.
JUST BE YOURSELF!
Parents say to their children, ‘Just be you, just be yourself.’
Note the word ‘just.’
We see this every day on TV. A parent has a child murdered and she says to a reporter, “I just want my child back.”
The request is touching but hopeless because she says she just wants what is ‘impossible.’
It isn’t ‘just”anything; it is everything.
‘Just’ implies a little thing, a morsel in the feast of what we want. But immediately we go for the ultimate: Bring my child back to life.
We know what parents mean when the give the advice “be yourself”–they mean:
- don’t copy everyone else
- don’t be a lemming (If Billy jumped off a bridge would you jump off one too?)
- don’t get carried away with peer group influence
- don’t be like everyone else
- don’t always conform
So the word ‘just’ in this application is not helpful.
Parents say as if it was an easy thing to do, as if when you look at all the difficult things you have to do, that being yourself is simple and easy.
The hope is that this recommendation will eliminate all the stress that accompanies being torn between being yourself and going with the crowd.
It’s supposed to solve all your problems.
Everyone knows that’s nonsense, but people continue to say it, probably because trying to think of something really effective to say to a teenager is too complicated or difficult. (Well, they’re right about that!)
Not that the idea is worthless.
The most important person in the world is you.
Not your mother.
Not your boyfriend.
Not your husband.
You!
To be yourself means first, you have to know yourself.
That comes first, but is ignored or skipped over in the advice columns.
At Self-Knowledge College and Dropout to Dean’s List, I help people get to know themselves better so they can be more successful in their personal, academic and professional lives–on their own terms.
If you, or someone you know, would benefit from learning more about themselves just email me.
We’ll set up a brief, FREE conversation that could prove advantageous.
frankdaley@rogers.com
Frank
