A coda was “Because other person could die in the night.”
Chances are slim, but they occur.
Well that happened to Hanna Engle’s sister and she and Jake Engle write about it on Psych Central.
She talks about “reology”or the art of the Re-Do (or apology).
Before and After Death
“Now I divide my life into two phases, like BC and AD, only mine are BD and AD—Before (Sarah’s) Death and After (Sarah’s) Death. And, maybe, BR and AR, Before Reology and After Reology.
BEFORE—I went to bed at times, mad as hell—certain I was right and the other person was wrong.
Probably more often, I was really mad at myself for handling myself poorly—for not being the adult in the room. But at the time I wasn’t conscious of that.
Getting mad could actually last for days.
I would withdraw myself from the person I was mad at.
Though my mother’s warning wasn’t buried too far under the riled up part of me, I had little desire to step toward the person I was mad at to redo myself—to reconnect.
Instead of ReSpeaking myself or apologizing, or simply stating what I needed, I was more comfortable with silently waiting for them to make the first move.
Then, one fatal night, only 4 days after we’d had a fight, my sister, Sarah, was killed.
She was crossing the street and hit by a drunk driver.
When I left her that day of the fight we were still mad at each other. I was thinking, “Oh well—we’ll work it out.”
We loved each other—so I knew we’d work it out, she says.
Sometimes we have to put aside our feelings of hurt and anger for a higher purpose. It’s hard when you think you are in the right.
We know we shouldn’t do get angry so often but we don’t always do what we know what to do.
Part of knowing ourselves is to govern ourselves when we know what to do.
To get past this stuff.
It ain’t easy.
Join me at Self-Knowledge College to learn how to deal with anger better.