This is no 9 in our series on SELF. Last time we tried to define selfishness. Today we’ll look at what some people say is selfishness is actually good for a family.

Faye Weldon, a British author wrote:

Faye Weldon

“Young women, especially have something invested in being
nice people,and it’s only when you have children that you
realize you’re not a nice person at all, but generally a
selfish bully.”

Ooops!

I’m sure many women might agree with that (many men too!)
but more would not!

(Somewhat off the point, but for your amusement, I have to
report that Ms. Weldon, when a copywriter, once wrote,
“Vodka gets you drunker quicker.”

She said in a Guardian interview,

“It just seemed … to be obvious that people who wanted to get drunk fast, needed to know this.”

Which I thought was pretty funny.

Her bosses didn’t use the comment.

Her husband, Ron Weldon, left her for his astrological
therapist who had told him that the couple’s astrological
signs were incompatible.
Apparently, they were both a little off the wall.)

In any case, she is supported in this, by many.

The French actress, Emmanuelle Beart, echoing a lot of women,
said:

“I just decided that I would not put my professional life on
hold to raise children.
I know that sounds selfish to a lot of people and I don’t know
if what I’m doing is the right thing. But that’s the way I’m
doing it.”

Emmanuelle Beart

Indicating a real problem many people have in the tug-of-war
between themselves and their children.

This is true of artists–who predictably–are more forthcoming
about solutions for the problem.

Mikhail Baryshnikov said:

“People of art should never get married and have children, because it’s a selfish experience.”

But Greg LeMond, a race track driver, also said,

“Racing is a very selfish, self-centred, self-glorifying thing.
My wife’s life for 14 years was centered around me.
It was all about me. It was all for my ego.”

Parents often have this problem.

I think, on some level, all parents do.

How they deal with it varies, of course, but all must wrestle
with the implications, for their lives, and for their
children’s lives.

On the biggest level,it has enormous impact on families:
whether they break up, stay together “for the sake of the
children,” or work it out in compromise and love and stay
together knowing that some of what they wanted in life will
never be achieved.

Other things,however, might satisfactorily replace them.

Think of all the well-educated immigrants who move to countries
so their children can have a better life.
They work menial jobs to give their kids a chance.

In some cases, what people thought they wanted, isn’t what
they wanted at all.

But it keeps people up in the middle of the night.

Nobody said it was easy.

Next time we’ll look at selfishness as it applies to love.

I’m with you in this. If you are not a member, join us . Just put your John or Joanna Henry in the box and I’ll start sending you good things.

Frank

SELF SERIES 1: WHATEVER YOU DO TONIGHT, PLEASE DON’T BE YOURSELF!

SELF SERIES 2: DO IT YOURSELF: KNOW YOURSELF. Are you You? Do you even know YOURSELF?

SELF SERIES 3: SEARCHING FOR YOURSELF? FLYING BLIND? Need a new search party? Try you!

SELF SERIES 4: THE SELF: DO YOU FIND YOURSELF OR CREATE IT? AND WHY BOTHER ANYWAY?

SELF SERIES 5: Sarah Slean: The girl knows who she is and what she wants to do!

SELF SERIES 6: Self-discovery without Self-Viagra. Absent good parents you’ll need it.

SELF SERIES 7: “SELFISH” VS “SELFLESS”

SELF SERIES 8: SELFISHNESS. Always wrong? Or can it be a form of self-preservation?

Is selfishness always wrong?

Are there good kinds of selfishness?

Can it be a form of self-preservation?

Does it depend on our definition of selfishness?

This is part 8 in our series on the Self and its meaning.
…………………………………………………………………………

Before we come to any conclusions regarding conventional wisdom,
let’s look at the Oxford definition.

SELFISH DEFINED

“Concerned chiefly with one’s own personal profit or pleasure
at the expense of consideration for others.”

That’s a pretty well accepted definition, isn’t it?

We think of being selfish as somewhat mean-spirited but
“mean-spirited” implies that someone actually thought about
NOT being selfish and acted that way anyway.

Maybe the person was just thoughtless.

But thoughtlessness, although connected to selfishness, ISN”T
always selfishness, except in its mildest form.
So let’s not go there.

Instead, let’s focus on the two key words/phrases:
“personal profit” and “pleasure.”

Then let’s eliminate the most obvious cases of these kinds
of selfishness: personal profit for money and pleasure of the senses.

Those are too easy!

REAL LIFE

Let’s apply the definition to a common situation.
Two children are born, both talented, smart.
Dad dies. Mom gets sick.

One child gives up a promising career to care for her mother.
The other child leaves home and spends her life in her own way.

Let’s admit that the person who left did so because she was
concerned with profit (of various kinds, not necessarily financial).

The word “profit” would not occur to her in this context,

Free. Photo: Christine Labrasseur

much less motivate her) but we’re going with the definition.
She would profit in many ways perhaps–financially, socially,
career-wise, etc.

She WOULD get more pleasure because she wouldn’t be tied down
and (not quite the same thing, but actually a grade above
being tied down) she would be free to pursue her own interests.

So, according to the definition, the one who left is selfish.

BUT!

Let’s say that the woman who left did so because she felt
she would ruin her life by staying home and wasting her talent
…talent that her mother wanted her to develop.

Let’s say she felt that, though she loved her mother, she would
fulfill her destiny by NOT sacrificing her life to care for her mom.

Let’s say she would not want her own child to do that either.

We might have to broaden the meaning of the words “profit”
and pleasure” in our definition in order not to be too harsh.

(Maybe.)

Because the woman who left (let’s assume) was following her
gifts, talents and abilities.

If she doesn’t do that she will be unhappy every day for the
rest of her life. (At least that’s what she truly believes.)

She acts upon that.
She loves her self more than her mother?

The woman who stays, acts upon her duty to care for her mother,
putting aside her talents, (let’s say–in the extreme case)
and devoting herself to her mother.

She loves her mother more than herself?

“No greater love than a woman) lay down her life…”

Yet is she dooming herself to a life of resentment and

Trapped. Photo: Ditao, F.

unhappiness at not being able to grow her gifts and abilities?

Will the one who left be unhappily wracked with guilt?

We don’t know.

But maybe the one who stayed finds enormous love and peace in her role and doesn’t miss worldly success.

And maybe the one who left, fights guilt but generally finds
that she made the right decision for herself.

And what of the relationship between the sisters?

We don’t know.

The thing is we all have to make decisions about what we choose
to do in life, what action we take in critical situations
or circumstances.

We know that whatever we learn about the self, it will
always relate in some way to love.

We’ll continue next time. If you like this piece, send it to a friend.

And sign up above to The Daley Post, if you want more like this.

Frank

SELF SERIES 1: WHATEVER YOU DO TONIGHT, PLEASE DON’T BE YOURSELF!

SELF SERIES 2: DO IT YOURSELF: KNOW YOURSELF. Are you You? Do you even know YOURSELF?

SELF SERIES 3: SEARCHING FOR YOURSELF? FLYING BLIND? Need a new search party? Try you!

SELF SERIES 4: THE SELF: DO YOU FIND YOURSELF OR CREATE IT? AND WHY BOTHER ANYWAY?

SELF SERIES 5: Sarah Slean: The girl knows who she is and what she wants to do!

SELF SERIES 6: Self-discovery without Self-Viagra. Absent good parents you’ll need it.

SELF SERIES 7: “SELFISH” VS “SELFLESS”

“SELFISH” VS. “SELFLESS”

We’re talking about the self in this series.  This is no 7.

We introduce the word and concept of Selfishness.

Image: Amadeo78

We have to figure out who we are and what we want in life.
A person has to spend time on his or her SELF.

We can’t spend ALL of our time on ourselves.
We have to take others into our consideration, into our purview
of what belongs to our selves.

Of course, that’s right.

What happens when we seem to be spending all or most of our time and efforts on others?

What if we’re not being selfish, but selfless?

Often people think you are selfish if you spend ANY time on
yourself–especially when you have responsibility for others.

Women, after they are married, are often known as wives, mothers, homemakers (if they are doing that) and providers.

They often get the sense that they have lost them-Selves in
this work. They feel the world looks at them in only those
roles.

This gets to become more acute when women pass a certain age,
when, aside from the roles I’ve mentioned, women feel they
are non persons in any other sense.

On the street, men no longer look at them as attractive.
Scratch that: they no longer look at them at all!

Not worth a swiveled heard of admiration.

Or seen as anything except in those other roles.
Which is to say, often, as nothing at all.

A man too, although it is not recognized or discussed much,
can be considered (or at least consider himself) to be a husband,
worker,and father.

And not much else.
Gone are other kinds of self-identifiers for many people.

I’m not saying it’s wrong, that it doesn’t indicate a maturity.
Just that a part of what used to be considered at least part of
the self, seems to have disappeared.

Thinking about your self in this way is not wrong.

It is being self-ish in the sense that what we are doing
is related to the self.

But it is not mean-spirited or wrong.
Could be that it is being selfless, not selfish?

If we don’t figure this out (and maybe beating ourselves up)
we won’t have a grown-up self.

And heaven knows in this world, we need to be grown-ups.

Tell your significant other he or she is beautiful.

They are.

I’m with you on this!

For more information on you, please sign up for my series of emails.

Right at the top. To your right.

Frank

SELF SERIES 1: WHATEVER YOU DO TONIGHT, PLEASE DON’T BE YOURSELF!

SELF SERIES 2: DO IT YOURSELF: KNOW YOURSELF. Are you You? Do you even know YOURSELF?

SELF SERIES 3: SEARCHING FOR YOURSELF? FLYING BLIND? Need a new search party? Try you!

SELF SERIES 4: THE SELF: DO YOU FIND YOURSELF OR CREATE IT? AND WHY BOTHER ANYWAY?

SELF SERIES 5: Sarah Slean: The girl knows who she is and what she wants to do!

SELF SERIES 6: Self-discovery without Self-Viagra. Absent good parents you’ll need it.

SEARCHING FOR YOURSELF? FLYING BLIND?

Need a new search party?

Try you!

(THIS IS Part 3 in our series on the definition of the SELF.

For earlier posts, see the bottom of this piece.)

When children play Hide and Seek, at least the searchers know
who they’re looking for.

Do we know who we’re searching for when we’re looking for
ourselves?

Not usually.

Which means we’re flying, or searching blind

Because if we don’t know what we’re looking for there’s no
chance we’ll find it.

If we don’t know what the SELF IS, LOOKS LIKE, or APPEARS
to be in its many disguises, what chance to do we have of
finding it?

In this series we’re figuring out how to DEFINE the “self”
before trying to FIND it.

We require a clear and unambiguous definition of the SELF so
that we can recognize it when we discover it.

BASIC DEFINITION OF SELF (Oxford)

a) A person’s essential being; that which distinguishes a
person from another; or,

b) A person’s particular nature or personality; or,

c) Your consciousness of your own identity; or,

d) A person considered as a unique individual; or,

e) One’s own self.

All right, let’s break it down.
What does “essential being” mean?

Whatever “distinguishes a person from another.”

That could be on the inside or the outside of the person,yes?

If it’s an EXTERNAL attribute, such as height, weight,
color of skin, eyes, or hair, for example, it’s considered
an “accidental” in philosophical terms.

That doesn’t mean that those things are “accidents” like a
car crash, although the way some people dress, from the
outside they do LOOK like car crashes.

(I digress.)

It just means that those external things don’t change the
essential, or underlying, or basic nature of the person.
The true SELF.

ACCIDENTALS AND ESSENTIALS

John had hair when he was young. Now he’s bald.
He’s still John.
Baldness is an “accidental.”  It does not affect who he is.

An “essential” might be his quality of honesty, or fairness
or intelligence.
The combination of essentials in your personal make-up is
what makes you,YOU: your nature and personality.

Part of the self (this gets us into DIFFERENT and complex
territory), is the AWARENESS of one’s self.
That is, “Your consciousness of your own identity.”

Well, that seems easy, right?
We just look in the mirror and we know it’s us.
But not everyone can do that.
A person has a self but he/she doesn’t necessarily know all
of what it is.

ALZHEIMER’S AND THE SELF

People with Alzheimer’s are who they are but they often don’t
recognize themselves.
Even in a mirror.

There is a discussion we could have here about whether the
advanced Alzheimer patient IS who he USED to be.
(We won’t go there yet!)

People say of an Alzheimer patient:

“He’s not the same person anymore” or,
“My mother doesn’t know me anymore.”
“And she doesn’t know who SHE IS either.”

And,”She doesn’t seem to be the same person as she was.”

We’re unsure about how this affects the notion of “Self.”
(No kidding!)

Difficult stuff, but let’s not get too far from the basics.

Next, we’ll look at what is a “unique Individual”–as
alluded to at the beginning of this piece.

Stay with me.

Frank

SELF SERIES 1: WHATEVER YOU DO TONIGHT, PLEASE DON’T BE YOURSELF!

SELF SERIES 2: DO IT YOURSELF: KNOW YOURSELF. Are you You? Do you even know YOURSELF?

We’re discussing finding and/or creating your Self.

Number six in the series on SELF: POTENCY AND ACT.

(FOR THE EARLIER POSTS IN THE SERIES PLEASE SEE BELOW.)

BACK TO POTENCY!

(No, not THAT kind of potency! Don’t drift on me here!)

Well, OK, you COULD call it Viagra for the Self.
I actually kinda like that!

“Potency” here means the capacity, the ability to reach your
full potential using your gifts.

Along with good parenting, this happens if you are doing what
you are supposed to be doing to find and grow your gifts,
talents and abilities.

(I say, “Supposed to” in the sense that if you have gifts you
should develop them, if you can.)

And you DO, so you SHOULD.

Good parenting is required. Pixmac Photo.

It’s a life rule.

Many people don’t do it. They don’t play by the rules.

But maybe they don’t KNOW the rules.

Maybe nobody ever taught them the rules.

Unfortunately, in life, that doesn’t matter.
Ignorance is no excuse.

If you don’t know the rules–for whatever reason–
you’re going to lose the game.

For many reasons, most of us don’t get there.

Stunted growth because of bad parents will do that.

However, in life we cannot blame everything on our parents.

We have to play the hand we are dealt.
But the hand we’re dealt has potential; it has potency.

We are, in a sense, obligated to try to get past whatever
would hold us back, and STILL develop ourselves.

Many of us don’t get there because we don’t know how to get
there, or we don’t try or we get thwarted by life.

Shit happens.

For many reasons, most people can’t do this.

They never reach their potential-or even a smattering of their
true potential– for many reasons–because of poor parenting,
country of origin,education, socioeconomic status, language,
etc.

This is a big topic, but the point is most people on earth
don’t have the luck to be born into a supportive family where
the parents are actually adults–not as common as the word
suggests–and in a country with opportunities to thrive.

But never mind those people.

Think of people these days in North America or other western
countries like Italy, Spain, Ireland, Greece (Yikes!), England
and France.

These days, being born in a western democracy is no guarantee
of what we call “success’ is it?

Some people fail to develop their potential because truly bad
situations exist. We have to deal with it.

Some blame others or accept defeat or collapse.

That simply isn’t good enough.

They fail to discover their talents and, in so doing, they fail
to ACT on their potency.

They fail to ACT on that potential.

Well, they can’t ACT on it if they don’t KNOW what it IS.

Our chief job in life to discover our potential and develop it.

To discover our potential, means to discover, or find, our
talents, gifts and abilities and then from those to create
our SELVES.

That’s what we should be doing.
That’s what we need to do if we are be content, never mind happy.

For more information on You, sign up above for my Ebook

FOUR QUESTIONS TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE!

It’s free, like few things in life.

Frank

SELF SERIES 1: WHATEVER YOU DO TONIGHT, PLEASE DON’T BE YOURSELF!

SELF SERIES 2: DO IT YOURSELF: KNOW YOURSELF. Are you You? Do you even know YOURSELF?

SELF SERIES 3: SEARCHING FOR YOURSELF? FLYING BLIND? Need a new search party? Try you!

SELF SERIES 4: THE SELF: DO YOU FIND YOURSELF OR CREATE IT? AND WHY BOTHER ANYWAY?

SELF SERIES 5: Sarah Slean: The girl knows who she is and what she wants to do!

DO IT YOURSELF: KNOW YOURSELF.

Are you You?

(I MEAN THE REAL YOU AND NOT AN IMPOSTER OF SOME KIND?)

Do you even know?

Have you thought about it lately?

(This is part 2 in our series on the self. Part one is below.)

Self-Knowledge’ is crucial to determining who we are and what we want on earth.

It doesn’t get much attention.

BE YOURSELF, EVERYBODY ELSE IS TAKEN.

-Oscar Wilde, playwright.

OSCAR WILDE Be Yourself; everybody else is taken.

Wilde’s instruction is terrific unless you haven’t a clue as to who you really are.

Then you’re up the proverbial creek without a paddle.
Who are you?
What are you doing here?

Ask yourself–

• Why am I in this job?

•  Why am I in this relationship?

• What do I want out of my work, my relationships, myself?

You know, as in before you die.
Most people have no idea who they are.
Most people never try to find out (for various insufficient reasons).

For those who try, there are different ways to do it, most of them not very successful.

• Some people who try want to optimize their chances in life.

• Some want to know how to correct errors they made in life.

Lack of self-knowledge causes wrong decisions.

They have come to see that not knowing who they are causes
them to make the wrong choices in life–about almost everything.

They are right.
It’s because they don’t know themselves well enough to make
the RIGHT choices and decisions about themselves.

In the sixties and seventies, everybody talked about “going
to find myself.”

It became the subject of jokes and cartoons.

People would laugh and ask them “Are you lost?”

“Well, kinda,” their friend would reply.
“I don’t know what to do with my life.”

“Every decision I make– whether it’s a about dating someone
or getting a job seems to wind up in the dumpster.”
(They’d usually use a different word there at the end!)

It’s because they were fed up.
Frustrated at not getting to where they thought they should
be in life.

So they went away to find themselves.
Metaphorically or actually.

The problem is that everywhere you go, there you are!

You cannot get away from yourself.
You couldn’t then and you can’t now.
Even if you try–maybe especially if you try– it backfires
and you learn later, to your regret, that you simply can’t
do it.

Far better to begin the journey and figure it out.

About which, more later!

For more immediately, sign up to my list for all manner of good things!

The box is up at the top right of the page.

I’ll be with you.

Frank

Part one in the series:

SELF SERIES 1: WHATEVER YOU DO TONIGHT, PLEASE DON’T BE YOURSELF!

Some years ago, I saw a funny New Yorker cartoon.

The New Yorker is a wonderful weekly, of course, and there are many exceptional  articles in  each issue but the cartoons alone are worth the price of the magazine.

A middle aged-couple is standing in front of the door to a house.

They have arrived at a friend’s house for dinner.

He is about to knock and the wife says to her husband,

“Whatever you do, please don’t be yourself tonight.”

OOOPS!

Well, she knows him, I guess, as married people do.

Maybe he knows himself too but it isn’t likely.

When we  know ourselves better, we find out things we don’t always like.

That’s OK, none of us is perfect. (And the couple in the cartoon is still married!)

Mostly, however, we learn things that we do like. We also discover things that we suspected about ourselves but never verified.

That’s why so many people take up new things in mid-life (art, music, or leaving a  corporate job to start a small business).

We wonder how it is that we didn’t know those things about ourselves when we were younger. After all, we all know many things about ourselves.
You know, for example, what kind of food you prefer, what kind of books, movies, plays or games you like.

You’ve known for decades if you are a morning person or a night owl.

That stuff is easy. You learned that by repetition, habit, and observation.

But there’s lots we don’t know.

How could we have missed truly important things about ourselves that perhaps our spouse or mate knows, or our family or friends know, but we do not?

We didn’t pay enough attention to them when we were younger, perhaps.

Or, we kind of remember that we were interested in certain things but we dismissed them as not important.

Or, we didn’t even know about them so that we could pay attention to them.

Maybe nobody recognized some of our talents and gifts when we were children so they were never developed.

Life is complicated. You have talents never  recognized  let alone nurtured.

DISSATISFIED?

If you are feeling dissatisfied with important areas of your life such as work, or personal or family relationships or even your most significant partner relationship,  then it’s time to figure out what the hell is going wrong.

Part of the reason you are in the wrong place or the wrong job or with the wrong person is because you don’t know the real You yet.

Not well enough anyway.

It’s time to find out.

I’m designing a course to help you do it.

In the meantime, I’ll prepare material for you on the SELF, time and procrastination.

How you use time and why you procrastinate are intimately connected with your Self.

I used to think procrastination was a function of time faulty time management.

Not exactly.

It’s true that time management is connected to procrastination but on a deeper level it is about the self.

If you know yourself well you can easily reduce procrastination and all its horrible consequences.

Time, procrastination, the Self, goals, values…these things are all cemented together.

They are like layers of paint; it’s difficult to separate them but it can be be done.

We’ll give it our best shot.

Let me know if either time or procrastination is a problem for you.

For more information about yourself, sign up for my free 40 page Ebook.

FOUR QUESTIONS TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE!

You’ll find it at the top right-hand side of this page.

I’m with you.

Frank

WEARING SEXY CLOTHES AT WORK?

YOUNG, FIT AND PRETTY? WATCH OUT!

Minnie Driver. Dressed for AFTER work. Not exactly office attire.

Actress Minne Driver is dressed terrifically well for a night on the town but some women go to the office dressed like this.

They are getting bullied.

It’s not so much the men that may cause you trouble. You know all about that! No, it’s other women bullying you!

Females who wear provocative clothing at work are geting hit on, but not necessarily by men, and not in the way they might have expected.

There have been many articles in the press about bullying recently and a lot of them have focused on girls bullying girls.

Apparently the harassment doesn’t stop as girls grow up.

Women act aggressively at work towards other females they perceive as physically attractive. It’s worse if the targets are young, fit and dress provocatively.

A study was done by Tracy Vaillancourt of the University of Ottawa, published in the journal Aggressive Behavior.

Morgan Campell writes about it The Toronto Star.

http://www.thestar.com/business/article/1093591–too-sexy-for-the-cubicle

We are accustomed to seeing this kind of thing on reality-based TV shows such as The Bachelor
but in the professor’s study of behavior at work, seeing sexily dressed employees prompted hostility in 97% of the other women who saw them.

97%!

Campell interviewed Prof. Vaillancourt who researches and writes about mental health and violence prevention.

Women frequently have “toxic relationships with other (female) employees” says Vaillancourt “and we know dressing a cetain way will garner a negative reacton.’

Well, she’s trying really hard! Photo: Lovepanky

The study involved secretly recordng the reactions of women sitting in a waiting room for an interview about solving relationship conflicts.

An assistant entered the waiting room twice: once, she came in wearing pants and a blue top and the next time she came in wearing a mini-skirt.

The women waiting barely noticed her in pants but the mini-skirt caused all but two of them to criticize her and even speculate about her morals.

Yikes~!

In Campell’s piece, Vaillancourt says this kind of hostilty has come about through evolution. When men are scarce, competition increases and females “drive-down” a woman’s “mate value” through gossip and insults.

I’m not sure if men are scarce these days but maybe top-of-the-line men are scarce.
That wouldn’t suprise me.

The professor says “We compete with each other all the time and we compete over really silly things.”

Statistics indicate that bullying is roughly 49/51 in offices (males to females) and females may bear the brunt of the behavior.

Campell says that Vaillancourt figures evolution will win out over attempts to reduce bullying in offices.

“In the ideal world, “says Vaillancourt, “you can wear whatever you want to work: but if you wear something sexy “in the real world, you’re going to get it.”

This speaks to some touchy subjects:

• self-image
• the image you want to project or create when in public
• self-confidence
• “first impressions” (among others).

Some will argue: “If you’ve got it, flaunt it” both on the basis of general worldliness and maybe getting ahead, or at least getting noticed, in a big office.

The evidence is that dresssing provocatively does not help women trying to climb the ladder.

But.

• Some people might not have enough experience to know where to draw the dress line at work.
• Some might dress provocatively out of insecurity.
• Some might do it to incite provocation.
  Some might see it as a way indicate self-confidence (however, it might just as likely indicate a lack of it).

It has to do with self-image and it could be considered healthy depending on the degree of “sexiness” demonstrated or at least how it is perceived by others– both men and women.

An “office” dress?

Appearance is important, especially at work and most serious businesses don’t like provocative dressing for a host of reasons.

But some busineses (retail sales, advertisng, etc.) have a more relaxed attitude towards dress, especially female dress.

It comes down to “When In Rome.. ” regarding business attire.

First impressions DO count and they are difficult to change in the minds of the perceivers.

A couple of years ago a sultry-looking woman lawyer, Debrahlee Lorenzana, was allegedy fired from Citibank because of her office dressing style.  It caused a big stink and led to lawsuits.

Debrahlee Lorenzana Photos by Saswat

Some might argue that Ms Lorenzana”s figure (in the two photos here) is  a legitimate part of her and the dress she has on doesn’t  seem alarming. She’s certainly alarming to some women.

Then again, it has been suggested in the New York press that Ms Lorenzana has allegedly…ummm had some work done.

Does it matter? Some women might argue that that is unfair.

Whew!

That is a different slant on the dressing at work subject.

Today’s slant is the bullying aspect and it’s complicated enough.

If you have an opinion on this topic, please comment below.

If you think that the way you feel about this topic challenges the way you regard yourself , or if you want to learn more about your “self” and how you present yourself to the world, sign up for my 40 page Ebook, FOUR QUESTIONS TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE!

It’s free and I’l send you more free information periodically.

The sign-up form is at  the top right hand corner of this page.

This is an example of what we discuss here on THE DALEY POST.
I’d love to have you join my email list and help us figure this stuff out.

I’m with you.

Frank

Sarah Slean

 NO 5  in our series on the SELF.

SARAH SLEAN–THE GIRL KNOWS WHAT SHE WANTS!

Sarah Slean is a Canadian songwriter/singer who knows who she is and what she wants. She wants to continue to compose songs, sing them and study everything in the world for the rest of her life.

She is a beautiful, talented and unusual composer and performer who found herself at sea about some years ago regarding what she was doing with her career.

Slean was interviewed by Ben Kaplan of the National Post (Nov. 3/11).

http://www.nationalpost.com/news/Back+from+brink/5648472/story.html

The singer said had an existential crisis and asked herself  if what she was doing was not “pure vanity.”

She said she stashed her stuff, “…rented a truck, put my grand piano in the back and went into the forest and lived there for four months in the spirit of  ’I'm waiting for direction because I give up on everything.’”

It was in 2005 and the singer had been told many things about how to run her career by many people and I guess it got confusing so she quit for a while to  paint, read books and write music.

When Slean emerged, she told Kaplan:

“Everything in my life took an upward swing–I fell in love…I graduated university, I mended fences. I felt such peace…Finally I know what I want to do.”

She’s 36 now so her mini-crisis occurred about eight years ago.
We all have these crises and they don’t have to occur in mid-life (which by the way, some authorities are saying is anywhere around the mid-thirties!)

Our first job in life is to know who we are and find out what it is we want from life.

If we don’t ever do that…and many people never do it… we wind up with an accidental life.

THE UNEXAMINED LIFE

“The unexamined life is not worth living,” said Socrates and it’s true.

Slean is like many Canadian performers who are not in the mega-star category (unlike say, Diana Krall, Celine Dion, or k.d. Lang).

In terms of public awareness she’s more like Emilie Claire Barlow, Jill Barker or Kathleen Edwards, all excellent performers who have their own dedicated audiences.

She is classically trained musician and that’s plainly seen on her website videos (http://www.sarahslean.com).

But she has a pop quality too: different, mature, funny and engaging.

Slean has a new double CD set called Land and Sea. I heard a great song from it the other day called Attention Archers. There are several versions of it on You Tube. 

Some of the music on her site on on her CDs  might strike you as unusual but  that’s the idea-Try several–you’ll like them!

http://www.sarahslean.com

If you are searching for the real you, as Sarah Slean was, sign up to my email list and get my free Ebook, FOUR QUESTIONS TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE!

We all have to change things in ourselves occasionally (some people would say constantly!).

If you feel it’s time for a change in some way, please accept my invitation.

It doesn’t matter when we do it as long as we DO IT!

I’m with you.

Frank