Right brain, left brain,which do you use most?
The results do not matter.
Both extremes get a “congratulations” on the test) as does the almost equal split that I got.
It just might help you know yourself a little better!
Right brain, left brain,which do you use most?
The results do not matter.
Both extremes get a “congratulations” on the test) as does the almost equal split that I got.
It just might help you know yourself a little better!
How to cope with anxiety–from an expert.
“I’ve tried therapy, drugs, and booze. Here’s how I came to terms with the nation’s most common mental illness.”
“… two double scotches, when administered in quick enough succession, can obscure existential dread, making it seem fuzzier and further away.But none of these treatments has fundamentally reduced the underlying anxiety that seems hardwired into my body and woven into my soul and that at times makes my life a misery.”
Mr Stossel is good and this might help you
Read the article here. (Then come back!)
Anxiety is a problem for many people.
Some of it is caused by folks being unsure about who they are and what they want with regard to their life’s work, or career, or relationships.
If anxiety is troublesome for you, if it is hampering you from being the best YOU you can be, I can help.
I KNOW self-knowledge can help, even if it is just in knowing what causes you anxiety and how to avoid those things or reduce your exposure to them.
If anxiety is stifling you, visit us at Self-Knowledge College.
Sign up and get a lot of free information about the most important person in the world–YOU.
If you want to help others and you are shackled by anxiety you can’t do the best for them.
Fix yourself first.
If you could do this by yourself, you would have done it by now.
Join me at http://www.selfknowledgecollege.com.
I can help through self-knowledge.
FOUR REASONS WHY I STARTED IT.
The Short Back-story.
THIS IS THE SIXTH IN A SERIES OF POSTS ABOUT SELF-KNOWLEDGE COLLEGE AND THE DALEY POST.
YOU CAN ACCESS THE PREVIOUS POSTS BELOW.
No. 1 Jack Nicholson
No. 2 Arnold
No. 3 General MacArthur
No. 4 What it looks like
No. 5 Why three sites
I learned hard lessons early about life.
My father abandoned the family when I was seven.
He left my mother who had three children and a fourth on the way.
I was the eldest.
He had his reasons and, given the circumstances, it may have made some sense to him to leave for what he intimated was a valid reason.
It never made sense to me.
To me– at seven– it was incomprehensible.
Inexplicable. I simply could not understand it.
When I got a little older, I thought it was cowardly, reprehensible, unforgivable.
At nine years of age I wanted to tack him down and kill him.
There is a letter acknowledging that fact.
I still think it was all those things, except maybe unforgivable, because I know how people react to life problems now.
I know many people can’t handle life the way they should or they way they want to.
It was 1947. World War II was over; most troops were home.
My father had not signed up for WWII because he had two children and a wife to support and he felt (I later heard) that that was more important. He stayed in Ottawa, Canada and worked.
He and my mother had a third child.
After the war, when the vets came home, he was out of a job.
He tried for a couple of years, getting piecework here and there in various kinds of electronics, mostly radio.
Finally, he decided to try a different city than Ottawa, which is a one-industry– government– town, as the national capital.
At seven, after he left, I felt it was my job to protect and support the family.
It was absurd, of course, and I even knew it at the time, but I felt the pressure of obligation.
After he left, my mother had her fourth child.
Fortunately, I did not feel what many children feel when a parent (usually, but not always, the father) leaves home–that it was my fault.
I did not feel that I was responsible for his leaving.
I did not feel that if I had only behaved better he would have stayed. The notion occurred to me but I knew it wasn’t true and I never thought it was or felt it. I am grateful for not having suffered that burden of guilt because I doubt I would have gone anywhere had I felt it.
However, I knew I was now the “man” of the family. I felt responsible for that.
I also knew there was no way I could handle that role.
What I did was think about my friends. Why did they have two parents and we (my two brothers and sister and I) had one?
When we had father-and-son nights at school, an uncle took me when he was in town.
The situation concerned me most because of how hard my mother had to work to keep us.
She first went to what passed for family services at the time and they told her to give us–the four children–up for adoption.
That was a short meeting.
My mother was smart, tough and dedicated. Giving up her children was not in the cards.
After that, I did what every kid did: went to school, played baseball, football and (street–ball) hockey. I had (and still have) many good friends from grade and high school although I lost one last week to cancer and heart trouble.
I was interested in life: why things happened the way they did; why people did one thing instead of another; how people made choices, and what happened when they did. How their choices affected other people.
Life was teaching me some hard lessons but I needed to learn faster because I saw certain kinds of things slipping away.
I was getting hard information– facts– but not causality.
I knew shit happened but I didn’t know why it did and I sure didn’t know why it was happening to my family.
So I turned to reading and the theater to learn faster.
In high school, I dropped piano (which I loved) because practice conflicted with play rehearsals. I wrote for the school paper, and wrote and performed stand-up comedy with my best friend. We still talk every week.
The three fields I considered in high school were law, writing/entertainment (expressed at the time as acting) and the priesthood.
Catholic. You just do think about it. You did then, anyway.
I dropped the priesthood fast, not because of the vows of poverty (I could have handled that) or chastity (although, really, that made no sense to me) but I could not take the vow of obedience.
I had already seen throughout grade and high school that some of the rules and pronouncements from the Church were misguided, wrong-headed, and indefensible, not to mention nuts.
I also had no father as a role model. My grandfather did what he could but we were four children and he was near retirement age and..well, you know. He certainly helped though.
However, when I looked at the three areas of law, the priesthood and writing/the arts/entertainment, it seemed to me that all three professions dealt with the same thing from different perspectives. They all dealt with the human condition: morality; mortality; right and wrong; good and evil; love and hate—human behavior.
I wanted to know everything about human behavior.
I wanted to know why we here on the planet and what we were supposed to do with our lives.
I wanted to know how one determined what you chose to do, how your figured that out, and how you got there.
If you got there.
I could see already (saw it in grade school: some girls got pregnant , two kids went to jail) that many people not only didn’t get there (wherever there was supposed to be for them) but they were not going anywhere.
If you didn’t get there, why didn’t you?
What stopped you from being YOU? The best you, you could be?
First, how did you decide what you wanted to be when you grew up?
Then, how did you know that was the right choice? Or even in the right ballpark?
And how did these realizations come to you–if they ever did?
In other words, who were you and what did you want?
And what obstacles were there that you had to overcome to get what it was you decided you wanted?
How did you figure out what you wanted and what did you have to do to get it? What road did you have to choose and then actively take?
I thought about those kinds of things from age seven. I remember doing it. (I guess I’m lucky I’m not in a nut house.)
In university, I did a double major: psychology and English. I still did a lot of theater.
While in university, I narrowed my career fields to writing and theater.
I decided against the law because I didn’t want to do corporate or civil law, and criminal law, although attractive, seemed to get bogged down too often in repetitive and trivial cases. I think I could have been a prosecutor or a defender–I saw the virtues in each.
Theater and writing it was. I took my undergraduate degree in Ottawa at Carleton University.
Actually it was at a small, excellent, liberal arts college, St. Patrick’s College, which was a part of the University of Ottawa. But before we graduated, St, Pat’s was traded from U. of O. to Carleton.
For a player to be named later.
I studied post-graduate film and psychology in Italy (University of Milan) and theater at Northwestern University in Chicago where I earned an M.A.
After graduate school, I was briefly at the Stratford Shakespearean Festival to work in the theater. (Professional theater has been one of my other pursuits.)I was an assistant to a director.
I did a lot of media work: journalism, radio, television, theater and university teaching in various fields of communication for many years.
While dean of English and communications at Seneca, the largest community college in Canada, I saw that the entry-level students were woefully under-prepared in, well, everything.
Many didn’t read and write “too good;” they had few academic skills; in fact, they had almost no learning skills of any kind. Most had no idea why they were in college, let alone the program they were in.
FIRST REASON FOR SKC
They had three main problems: no academic expertise; no self-knowledge (about what program they should be in or what they should be doing after high school at all); and no time management (which is to say, no self-management) skills.
They failed at spectacular rates. They still do.
Just as students did and still do all over North America.
While at the college, I also taught effective presentation (speech writing and delivery) in a university (Ryerson, in Toronto) at the post-graduate level.
The students were academically fine (many had Phds–one person had two!) but some of them didn’t really know why they were taking a post-graduate degree in the program in which they had registered.
I couldn’t see myself going the VP and ultimately perhaps college president route at Seneca, so I resigned as dean of English and communications at the college to teach. I taught many communications courses; most had to do with writing, theater and student success through self-knowledge.
I discovered that the post-grad university students at Ryerson also profited by learning about themselves.
When people outside academia asked what I did for a living, and I explained how I taught self-knowledge so that people could make better decisions for themselves in all aspects of life, many people replied, “Hey, I could use that!”
That’s one reason I founded Self-Knowledge College.
SECOND REASON FOR SKC: PEOPLE GET OFF TRACK IN LIFE
I realize that people can be weak, fearful, undisciplined and many other unpleasant things. My father certainly was. He was overwhelmed by the circumstances he faced in life and folded.
When I was fifteen, I wanted to kill him for what he had done to my mother and his children.
Then I started to try to understand, not him (I had long stopped caring anything about him), but people in general.
That’s what I have spent my life trying to do.
That’s the second reason I created Self-Knowledge College.
THE THIRD REASON FOR SKC: WHAT’S LOVE GOT TO DO WITH IT?
I also became disillusioned about love and wanted to understand it more.
But that’s another story for another day.
Still, my disillusionment about love prompted a study of it and now I think I get it (as much as anyone can say they get it-which is to say, not much)!
That’s the third reason I founded Self-Knowledge College.
THE FOURTH REASON FOR SKC: THIS STUFF IS DOABLE!
The fourth reason I started SKC is that most people do not achieve what they are capable of given their gifts, talents and abilities.
There are many explanations causes and reasons for that.
That’s part of what we’ll explore here on SKC.
There are other reasons I’m doing it, including the fact that I’m getting older, have lived a lot, seen a lot, and paid attention.
But those four are the main ones.
It’s about you and me and what we’re doing on this planet and how we can do it better and how to be more successful at it and happier about it.
I’m preparing several courses to teach some of the things I’ve learned about life and how to live it successfully.
I hope you’ll stay with me for a while as we investigate it together.
NEXT: YOUR GIFT FROM ME: A downloadable copy of my book…WAY. )
WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? The way to know yourself and get what you want.
Hello, – Frank here.
Last time, in part four of this series, I explained HOW three sites make up Self-Knowledge College.
This is part five.
IF YOU MISSED THE FIRST FOUR POSTS IN THIS SERIES ON SELF-KNOWLEDGE COLLEGE AND THE DALEY POST: AN INTRODUCTION, you will find them below.
No. 1 Jack Nicholson
No. 2 Arnold
No. 3 General MacArthur
No. 4 What it looks lik
Today, I’ll tell you WHY there are three sites and not just one.
Why not just one?
Because only one would make things too complicated.
I know, that sounds counter-intuitive. I’ll explain.
SELF-KNOWLEDGE COLLEGE (SKC) will be home base
It’s for everyone with an interest in improving themselves in any way. Everyone is welcome at SKC.
DROPOUT TO DEAN’S LIST(DDL) is for students
Dropout to Dean’s list, however, focuses on students and their families instead of the general reader as SKC does. So, as a reader, pick your poison!
If info on SKC is suitable for students then we’ll put it there too.
Many topics, such as concentration, memory, time management, procrastination, etc. aren’t restricted to students or workers–they are human subjects. So the same article or a variant may appear in several of our sites.
THE DALEY POST (TDP) is for communication
The Daley Post (TDP), the blog (Gag!), will be the communications arm for both divisions (SKC and DDL).
I’d rather call it a newsletter. I’d call it the “paper” but newspapers are behaving like Dodos these days. And the only way they become paper is if you print them.
TDP won’t be just for carpenters, lawyers, women who want to return to work, students, or people who can’t stand their jobs; it will be for everyone.
However, students are somewhat different because they’ll need some help with practical academic matters such as study skills, taking exams and that sort of thing that most readers don’t require as much.
Although, frankly, with so many working people also taking courses of one kind or another to improve themselves in life, some skill development in academic areas might be helpful for them too. Especially if they have been out of school for a long time.
So, you see my problem trying to handle everything on one site?
If I used only one site it could become too jumbled and confusing. So I went with two. And the newsletter, blog, article and post distribution arm as well to tie everything together so that makes three.
I’m sorry if it appears confusing at first but I think it is the best way to do it . I’ll try to streamline it as much as possible. For example I’m trying to arrange it so that if you have signed up to both SKC and DDL that you won’t get two copies of The Daley Post as an email system.
I do not want to torture you but my auto-responder system may take a little time to sort that out so if you get duplicate copies of TDP for a while please be patient.
My three sites will also be interconnected, not just interrelated.
That means when you get to one site, you’ll be able to easily navigate with one click, to each of the other two.
I truly hope you enjoy your time here with me. I’ll do everything I can to make it so.
P.S. Oh, yeah, about that stupid word “blog.”
It was suggested by the old ship’s “log,” wherein the sailors recorded everything that transpired every day at sea.
Then we got the Internet or the Interweb (ha, ha!) or the “web.”
They took the “B’ from “web” and joined it to “log.”
It was then “weblog” but that was deemed too long so they shortened it to “blog.”
Yeah, fine, it’s still a ugly word.
I’ll be writing you notes, posts and short letters on the “Blog.” I’ll also email you. If you feel you are getting too much information, or you hate it, just unsubscribe.
However, this info will be about the most important person in the world.
So stick around for a while–see if you like it!
I sincerely hope you do and that I can be of service to you.
PART FOUR IN THIS SERIES ON THE RETURN OF THE DALEY POST AND THE INTRODUCTION TO SELF-KNOWLEDGE COLLEGE
To see earlier posts in the series, please see below.
No. 1 Jack Nicholson
No. 2 Arnold
No. 3 General MacArthur
Thanks again for joining me here on The Daley Post.
I hope we get to know each other because this will be a place for you to contribute too, not just me.
Today, I’ll briefly describe Self-Knowledge College.
Self-Knowledge College (SKC) is the internet college for personal development in the 21st century.
SKC will be home base, our flagship site, the site where I’ll put most of what you might like to know about access and sharing. It will host information about all our free material and content and about our products and services (courses, books, Ebooks, whitepapers, reports, articles etc.).
I think that Self-Knowledge is practically the key to life. That might seem like an overstatement, even outrageous, but you might agree in a few weeks.
THREE BAD THINGS WILL HAPPEN IF YOU DON’T KNOW YOURSELF!
1. You will not be in the right line of work.
2. You will not be with the right person.
3. You will not be happy.
You will not be happy because of the first two, of course.
We get only one shot in life and we have to get it right.
If you are unhappy in your work or your relationships, you are unhappy, period.
You know that already.
You have already lived through it, experienced it.
It’s time to do something about it.
I will guide you how to know yourself and get what you want in your personal and professional life. Unlike many self-development companies, we start with your real core, not superficial appearances.
SKC will have this as a communications arm (The Daley Post) and a second division, Dropout to Dean’s List about which, more later.
THE DALEY POST (TDP)
The Daley Post (TDP) is my blog. (www.thedaleypost.com). This is it.
I’ll be writing on TDP about all things related to the SELF, which is anything that happens in life that has a personal impact.
People are the most complicated things on the planet.
We are much more complicated than computers because of abstractions such as emotions, psychology, philosophy, spirituality and other things that are hard to nail down as one specific thing or another.
I will attempt to separate these things so we can look at them individually and see them in focus (where we can). However, we’ll also see how they bump into each other and become other things (we’re getting into physics and chemistry here!).
Much of the time, human behavior is so complicated that it begins to look like phyllo pastry. That wonderful desert has a lot of ingredients but once baked it is impossible to separate them -you just have to enjoy the whole delicious thing at once.
I’ll simply call these things, these components, these aspects of ourselves– what we all call them: things like time and time management (which is really self-management), goals, values, procrastination, productivity and problem solving, etc. All the things that we’d like to get better at so we screw up in life as little as possible.
DROPOUT TO DEAN’S LIST (DDL)
Dropout to Dean’s List (DDL) leads at-risk students to academic and personal success. We specialize in showing dropouts, program switchers and “failures” how to succeed academically no matter what their school record indicates.
Dropout to Dean’s List is for students who want to be successful.
DDL will also be for parents who are ready to sell the kids on the open market and rent their rooms or run screaming into the night because the kids appear to be lost, if not merely screwed up.
Parents know how difficult it is to make your way in life and they are terrified that their children will not be able to do it–for whatever reason. We can provide some guidance.
It’ll also be for grandparents, relatives, guardians, friends, religious leaders, therapists, counselors, schools, colleges and anybody else who wants to help children be more successful and happy.
And heaven knows, many students are unhappy. The dropout and failure rates, the emotional fragility (due to anxiety, and worry and subsequent stress), the self-harming (self-mutilation in the forms of cutting and burning) and suicide rates all testify to that.
College isn’t for everyone and we’ll deal with that too on DDL.
But for those who want to go on to post-secondary school and are losing hope because they have failed to perform at their best levels…we can help at Dropout to Dean’s List.
The site has this url:
You can go there, sign up and get two pretty nice presents:
(FREE, OF COURSE, OR THEY WOULDN’T BE PRESENTS!)
The first one is a paper showing how colleges lie about their class time called,
THE CLASS TIME MYTH
(you get that with an opt-in to the DDL list) and the other is a REPORT called
WHY SO MANY COLLEGE STUDENTS DROP OUT AND WHAT WE CAN DO ABOUT IT.
You’ll get that one, ALSO FREE, shortly after signing up.
And we CAN do something about it!
Join and be informed about most things current in education in general and specific ways to help students improve their academic standing in particular.
I’m with you,
NEXT, PART 5: Self-Knowledge College–why three sites–divisions–inside the College?
My name is Frank Daley.
I’m the founder of Self-Knowledge College and the publisher of The Daley Post.
Today I’ll show you SKCollege at a glance!
I haven’t published The Daley Post for some time for reasons I explained the other day.
(If you missed it, click here.)
Here’s no 1.
But, like General Douglas MacArthur, I said I would return and here I am.
GENERAL DOUGLAS MacARTHUR
General Douglas MacArthur promised the Philippines he’d return to help that country when it was being invaded by the Japanese. He left under cover of darkness on March 11, 1942 when he ran out of reinforcements.
He said then: “I shall return.”
10,000 U.S troops were captured. He escaped to Australia and waged war helping to turn the tide against the Japanese. On Oct 20, 2944 he returned to the Philippines.
THE DALEY POST RETURNS TOO!
OK, It’s not that dramatic for my return with The Daley Post but I did feel I was under siege trying to get my boom finished and three websites up and running! But I’m back and I intend to stay back.
Here on The Daley Post and Self-Knowledge College, we’ll discuss the most important person on the planet–YOU- from many points of view.
It will be about you so it should be interesting!
You’ll be convinced fast that the more you know yourself, the better decisions you will make about your personal, academic and professional life.
Soon, you will receive:
The Daley Post (where you are now) where I’ll be writing about Self-Knowledge.
SELF-KNOWLEDGE COLLEGE (SKC), home base
Dropout to Dean’s List, (DDL) a site for at-risk students and their worried parents
Thank you again for joining me.
I hope to surpass your expectations with information about you that you can use to improve your situation in life.
If you have any questions or suggestions for Self-Knowledge College or The Daley Post, please email me at email@example.com.
In the meantime, if you like, you can visit us at
Life may not be going the way you want it to right now.
We can improve that.
I’ll be with you.
NEXT: SELF-KNOWLEDGE COLLEGE: What Self-Knowledge College looks like.
As AHHHRNOLD Said in The Terminator…” I’LL BE BACK!”
“Well, AHM BACK!”
THE DALEY POST IS BACK too!
I’M Frank Daley. I’m the publisher of THE DALEY POST and I’m delighted to tell you that we’re back and ready to serve you!
This is the second of a series of posts explaining where the hell I’ve been and what I’ve been doing and why you should give a hoot.
(If you didn’t see the first one, starring Jack Nicholson, click here!
I think the scriptwriters of Terminator II were paraphrasing General Douglas MacArthur when they wrote that line for Arnold in the movie.
Arnold did return and so have I.
I don’t have a gun, but I have a pen and a computer, cause that’s how I roll (as they say on the street!). (I do have sunglasses!)
The pen is mightier than the sword (or gun) anyway.
TDP/SKC: THE STYLE AND THE PROCESS
Thanks for staying with me here at THE DALEY POST and Self-Knowledge College (SKC) while I was AWOL.
I’m back and there shouldn’t be a “break” of the kind we have just experienced again.
I know you are crazy busy and don’t have time to read stuff that is not relevant to your life or where you don’t learn anything or get a laugh or get directed to something of value.
I’ll will try never to disappoint or bore you. That’s not to say you’ll likely agree with everything you’ll find here but then that would be boring!
I aim to give you reliable information on you so you can get to know yourself better.
It won’t be gossipy–this ain’t gonna be the Kardashians! (Well, OK, if it’s funny, maybe we will gossip a little, what the hell.)
The information I provide will come from
The topics will cover the range of human behavior
If any fascinating research on human behavior is reported on in the world you can expect to find it here.
Next: Part three: Self-Knowledge College’s organization at a glance.
THE DALEY POST IS BACK!
Thank you for waiting and being a loyal subscriber!
I haven’t written on The Daley Post (TDP) for some time now as you well know!–not having see me here!
I’ll explain why, and tell you what I’ve been doing, what’s new, what’s coming and then I’m going to give you a present!
THE DALEY POST
First, The Daley Post was always intended to be the communications arm of my business, SELF-KNOWLEDGE COLLEGE (SKC), and its sister site, DROPOUT TO DEAN’S List (DDL).
I began with this blog, The Daley Post, to familiarize myself with the process, learn some of the technology and get my feet wet.
SKC and DDL weren’t created yet. In fact, Dropout To Dean’s List is still under construction–but it’s nearly ready.
Simultaneously, I published my book, WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? The way to know yourself and get what you want. (WAY for short!)
SELF KNOWLEDGE COLLEGE
The book (WAY) and my new site, SELF-KNOWLEDGE COLLEGE, which is opening the first week of June, are for people who have a serious problem in life but they don’t know what that problem is exactly and so they don’t know how to solve it.
It’s difficult for people even to talk about this kind of general problem when it befalls us because it is like nailing Jello or finding a tree in the mist.
At times it seems beyond our ability to grasp it.
Sometimes we just can’t put our finger on why we are dissatisfied in life, or why we seem to be falling behind others, or we aren’t as far along in our careers as we figured we should be–would be–by now.
We feel that way because life is complicated and we are busy, true, but it’s also because we often don’t know ourselves well enough to make the best decisions for ourselves regarding our work, education, career choice or love life.
We start to try to make a decision about something in our life–work, a new job or career path, even something as simple as starting a hobby and then…nothing.
Wed don’t follow up. We lose, if not exactly interest, we lose some kind of drive that would allow us to fully investigate whatever we thought we wanted t try.
Then we do this again.
Finally,we come to the point where we don’t trust ourselves about decisions any more (because we think, well they haven’t panned out) and we just stop trying new things or investigating what the little voice in our head says when it suggests: ’”DO THIS!”
We make mistakes.
That’s natural, we all do but when we continue to make mistakes or when we make the same mistakes time after time–such as dating the wrong people or choosing the wrong career path–it causes serious problems for us and our families and gets ‘way beyond frustrating.
We can become first, anxious, then sad, and then depressed.
It hurts; and we might go into a spiral that seems unstoppable.
We start developing presenting problems–things we do or can’t seem to do-that hurt us even more.
Many of them are related to things such as time management, (which is really self-management), procrastination, goal-setting, the inability to say “NO.”
Things like that.
Many people balk at first when I mention self-knowledge because they think it’s too strange but they sure know what I mean when I speak of things like procrastination or constantly choosing the wrong person to date.
Those, however, are exactly signs of a lack of self-knowledge.
That’s what I’ll be writing about on SELF-KNOWLEDGE COLLEGE and THE DALEY POST.
I had to spend time creating and building the site for SELF-KNOWLEDGE COLLEGE .
It’s ready now and I’ll start writing on it and The Daley Post again.
In the next few emails I’ll tell you more about the plan and how I’m going to get you more information about YOU in the coming months.
DROPOUT TO DEAN’S LIST
I was also building my sister site, Dropout to Dean’s List. It’s still under construction but I’ll tell you more about that in a day or so.
It will be for at-risk students and their worried parents.
THE “WAY” WORKBOOKS
The other big thing that kept me away from writing on The Daley Post was writing two new books, two workbooks to accompany the core book,
WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? The way to know yourself and get what you want.
“WAY,” for short, as I said.
The first Workbook is for the general reader readers of this site, I’m guessing, and the second is for at-risk students.
SO. I’ve been staying off the street corners!
Thank you again for being a loyal subscriber to THE DALEY POST.
In a few days I’m going to reward you with a your own digital copy of the WAY book.
And thanks again.
NEXT: Part two: ARNOLD SHCWARZENEGGER RETURNS WITH THE DALEY POST!
SELF-KNOWLEDGE: 8 TIPS TO GET A GOOD 1ST IMPRESSION OF SOMEONE
FIRST IN A SERIES ON FIRST IMPRESSIONS. (FOUR PARTS–MAYBE MORE)
This is the first in a series about first impressions. This first article is about 1ST impressions in general. The next three will be about
As in everything else in life, we are putting ourselves out there and meeting people (who might also like to meet us). It’ll go better for us if we know something about ourselves before we try to know anything about anybody else.
Or worse, dismiss them on a first impression basis when we make so many mistakes.
Many people are terrible at “reading” people fast.
First impressions DO count but they are often wrong.
People get an impression of a website in 10 seconds. If they don’t get a favorable impression, they leave. Web designers tell us to make sure our web sites are “people friendly.”
People are not websites though. Dismissing someone based on inaccurate information formed by a faulty short first impression is not helpful or smart.
However, it’s getting to be that way with relationships too. If we don’t feel awed 10 seconds after meeting someone, we dismiss her. This is not a great way to build relationships, especially if we don’t really know what we are doing when we are assessing someone for the first time.
Life moves so fast these days we often don’t put in the requisite amount of time to get to know someone-–even superficially.
But we do want to form good new relationships so we should spend a little time learning the process by which we might be automatically rejecting people we would otherwise come to like—or even love!
First impressions DO count but they don’t have to characterize a whole relationship.
Here’s Rosamund again. Recognize her? Second impression.
Here are 8 tips on how to GET good first impressions.
1. LEARN TO READ PEOPLE BY KNOWING YOURSELF
Many people are not good at “reading” social signals. It isn’t that their instincts aren’t good–they often are–but anxious daters are not thorough. If you’ve had a drink or the music is too loud and you miss a tone, an inflection, or a phrase you might misinterpret something someone says and that could easily lead to a wrong impression. Knowing yourself in this area can help. If you know you sometimes judge too rashly, slow down and give matters a second thought.
2. REASSESS INSTANTLY
We often dismiss what we first think of as a negative impression—partly because we got it wrong and partly because we didn’t take the time to think about it later to reassess that first impression. This reassessment doesn’t have to be the next day—although that is certainly wise. It doesn’t have to take long either. If we pay more attention instantly—if our radar goes on when we think we have seen or heard something we don’t like, or seems strange– a bad impression can be corrected almost immediately.
3. DEVELOP DISCERNMENT through Self-Knowledge
First impressions are correct more often if we are discerning. Many people haven’t developed the quality of discernment, which is a part of Self-Knowledge, so they get fooled-–a lot. They take everything at face value–never looking underneath the surface for any sub-text that might alter their first impression. That process reduces the number of times you have to instantly reassess a remark or gesture (see No 2, immediately above).
4. VARY THE WEIGHT YOU GIVE “SIGNS”
People who lack interpersonal discernment—which means they lack self-discernment, which is a part of Self-Knowledge, compound the problem by giving the same weight to all social indicators they see. For example, they’ll give a superficial quality like hair color, the same importance as a person’s education level. Not a good idea.
5. GIVE LESS IMPORTANCE TO SUPERFICIALITIES
First impressions always include superficialities such as clothing, smell (perfume or cologne), height, color, hair style, accessories, etc. and these can be easily misinterpreted. A person you meet for the first time could be dressed a certain way for any number of reasons known to them—but not known to you because you don’t know them yet!
If you know yourself and you know that sometimes you dress in different ways or styles for different reasons, it’s no stretch for you to give them the benefit of the doubt until you know more about them. I say in the caption to the right, that things have changed in Rosamund. But maybe not. Maybe we just didn’t see her well at first meeting.
6. GIVE MORE IMPORTANCE TO SERIOUS THINGS.
First impressions also include how you walk, move, gesture and talk. These can be significant indicators of a person’s personality and, to some degree character, but they are easy to misinterpret (and beyond the scope of this article). These factors should definitely weigh more than the superficial ones, when you are judging whether you like a person on first meeting but even these things can be misleading. When you know yourself, know why you walk and talk and move and gesture as you do, you’ll also know more about why others do these things.
7. BE FLEXIBLE
Some people are dismissive of others if the people they meet do not conform to the idea of people they think they would like to meet.
Read that again! No, no, before you look at Rosamund again!
Can’t do do it, can you! Getting a different impression of lady Rosamund?
If you have an idea of a date with a perfect man or woman or a job interviewee (or interviewer) and the person you meet does not measure up to that ideal, you might pass him by. Now, by “idea,” (or ever worse, ideal), I don’t mean “high standard”—that’s a whole other discussion—No, I mean your particular ideas of superficial things such as height, weight, hair color, etc. Or, more weighty things such as a person’s age or race, or job.
Oh, yes, that’s also Rosamund Pike. That’ll be the last impression of her I’ll leave you with.
8. KNOW THAT 1ST IMPRESSIONS REMAIN.
You might still retain that original impression of her near the top of the page unless you know that she is an actress–and a go0d one–and can change her appearaance and thus her impression on us.
But although first impressions can be changed when we see the person in a new context, the original impression we formed remains in its original context (and most others) unless we actively change it.
That takes knowledge of yourself as well as the other person.
This last point will take another article to deal with, folks. Watch for it!
For more information on the British actress (and cellist–see, you wouldn’t know that by just meeting her the first time, would you?), Ms Pike, see her filmography at Wikipedia.com. One of her recent ones was the Canadian film, Barney’s Version, based on the Mordecai Richler novel of the same name, opposite Paul Giamatti and Dustin Hoffman.
You”ll find an amusing commentary on that a movie by a friend of mine here on The Daley Post if you poke around a bit.
If you’d like more information on your Self, (only the most important person in the world–your world anyway!) join my mailing list at the top right hand corner of this page.
Watch for the rest of this series on First Impressions coming to an In-Box near you.
KIM KARDASHIAN’S WEDDING EXPOSES A SELFISH PERSON WITH ULTERIOR MOTIVES
Kim Kardashian is a media personality.
She is famous for being famous.
She has big hair, big breasts and a big bank account.
She is also an airhead.
And a calculating self-marketer.
She is building her brand, her brand being herself.
Recently she got married. The wedding cost a reported $10 million, took four hours and was on television. Apparently, many people were interested.
They were also interested earlier this week when Kardashian filed for divorce after 72 days of marriage to basketball player, Chris Humphries, who never knew what hit him.
What hit him was not a burly basketball player fighting for the ball but a shapely 30-year old self-aggrandizing woman ratcheting up her “brand” in the hopes of cashing in on the media circus.
He has to take some of the blame though. He must have known something about her record, opinions, history and image. He could hardly miss them–they are everywhere in the media. Clearly, tall as he is, he is no intellectual giant.
Kardashian, in an attempt to deflect criticism, made an announcement saying she hoped people wouldn’t think she made the decision without thought:
“After careful consideration, I have decided to end my marriage…sometimes things don’t work out as planned.”
Yikes. Most of the “planning” with regard to this wedding was for the $10 million props: the silverware, menu, flowers, lighting, and where to put the cameras (and how many to have–always a major problem for these weddings along with NFL football).
There was zero “careful” (or otherwise) consideration about the decision to marry in the first place and evidently, not much more thought about the divorce.
She is obviously fatuous.
She also obviously stands to make money by accumulating more media exposure, which means her fees for public appearances (and her clothing line, her perfume endorsements, etc.) go up.
Pretty good return for a 72-day investment. Not to mention all the gifts she got.
DOES SHE GET TO KEEP THE RING?
SEE THE KARDASHIAN DOCTRINE!
Does she get to keep the ring?
People Magazine took a poll and more than 90% of the respondents said she should return it because the marriage was “too short.”
Do ya think?
The National Post in Toronto weighed in on this with its editorial opinion that she should give it back. They base this on what they are proposing as the “Kardashian doctrine” which aims to strike a balance between the rights of the ring-giver and the receiver.
“A woman may keep the ring if the length of the marriage, measured in months, exceeds the weight of the diamonds measured in carats,” they suggest.
In Kardashian’s case, the ring was 20.5 carats and the marriage lasted 2.5 months.
The National Post suggests she return the ring.
Makes sense to me.
No one really cares deeply about any of this–except, of course, she gets a lot of ink and TV time, so superficially, it is obvious some people are paying attention.
One of her (maybe not-quite-so-famous) sisters said she wasn’t surprised at the end of the marriage. Kim “falls in love with everybody,” she said. Which is lovely, isn’t it?
WHAT’S LOVE GOT TO DO WITH IT?
Ms Kardashian clearly does not know the meaning of the word “love” (her sister might).
I suppose that’s to be expected; not many people do, if you go by the divorce rates.
The worst thing about all this is the impression it makes on young people who are struggling to discover what real love is, as opposed to “romantic love,” lust, infatuation, “like” (made even more difficult with Face Book) and other affective states such as mere interest or curiosity.
“Romantic love” has trappings: flowers, candles, music, chocolates, bubble baths or a tricked up wedding, suitable as viewing fodder for the masses who are obsessed with “reality” shows.
This wedding took place in real time but it was not reality.
LUST VS. LOVE
We all “get” lust. Not so much with love.
In lust, we want the other person. Lust is selfish.
Perfectly normal human response to various stimuli.
In love, we want the other person’s good. We want him or her to be happy, content, and secure. Love, real love, wants good for the beloved.
Lust is not normally associated with marriage; love is (usually).
In marriage-which is a completely different ball game–we want love, and if lust is involved–so much the better!
However, lust can be for a thing as well as a person. We can lust for gold, power, money or fame–which are all attractive to some degree and to some people.
Four alarm fires are also attractive, however, and the results of both fires and the lust for fame are not notably great.
They are both meretricious, and this charade of a “marriage” reeks of meritriciousness.
Historically, marriages have often been “arranged” for all kinds of reasons:
The Kardashian “marriage” smells of an “arrangement.” It stinks of commerce and the marketplace. It brings shame and dishonor to those who believe in the sanctity of the marriage contract and the beauty of its power.
It also sadly influences the impressionable minds of young people who are learning to think that marriage is a throwaway custom of convenience, opportunism, branding, and careless thinking.
Kim Kardashian is a “reality” TV star but her “reality” is false. This is a deranged marriage.
SELF-KNOWLEDGE, LOVE AND MARRIAGE
The woman does not know herself. She does not know what she wants. She “thought” she wanted to marry this man. That thought lasted two months. Then she had another thought.
When she gets to know herself better she’ll know how to choose a mate.
That’s the way I’m trying to think of it.
The alternative is that she really does know herself, that she knows what she wants, and that she wants money and fame.
There are no children, thank God.